Bullying: This Video Needs No Explanation

This video doesn't need explanation but it does need action. Let's fix the disconnects here. How did we get to be a country that accepts such meanness in our children and for that matter, in ourselves?

Here's an idea. Teach them when they're young.

As part of a pilot leadership (bullying prevention) mentoring program in a local school, the seventh and eighth grade kids play word games with 3rd and 2nd graders. The goal of the game, created by one of the school's dedicated parents, is to introduce words like leadership, kindness, and generosity. The point is to make sure that all the kids know that these aren't just words. They're actions. The older kids are instructed to compliment their young partners when they seem to get the concept of friendship and respect. This is a long process, but the idea is to set help set the tone from as early as Pre-K about the school's expectation: Not everyone has to be your friend but everyone IS expected to treat others well at school. This includes on the bus, in the cafeteria, schoolyard, hallways, and even the bathrooms.

Even after setting this expectation in multiple ways, bullying will still happen, especially from 6th through 8th grade, but it won't be quite as acceptable. Kids may feel more comfortable about getting help if they know that adults in the building care and steps will be taken to make it stop.

When parents create this same type of expectation at home, as well, we all benefit. Here's a hopeful story to demonstrate this point. One of the volunteer moms, Cathy, told me that she was already starting to see some mean behavior bubble up in her daughter's fourth grade class. She and her husband sat their fourth grade daughter down and spelled out their expectation: she is to treat others the way she wants to be treated. Mean behavior would absolutely not be tolerated.

Recently, Cathy overheard her daughter talking to a friend on the phone. She was telling her friend that she wasn't going to participate in gossip about another classmate. She said that she didn't feel that what was being said was true and the other girl didn't deserve it.

Cathy walked past her daughter's room, asked her if everything was OK, and then gave her two thumbs up. Her little girl was caught in the act of stepping up and later, Cathy made a point to tell her how much she admired how she handled it.

If this was an Olympic event, Cathy should get a gold medal. She set an expectation and stuck to her guns. Then when her nine-year old rose to the occasion, she recognized it and gave her daughter a chance to feel proud and empowered. Her daughter is now part of the solution and not part of the problem. A great step in changing the balance in the classroom.

Young kids want to make adults proud at home, in school, on the field, in band practice or anywhere they get an adult's attention. Now let's set clear expectations and watch them rise.

Bullying Survey: Good but NOT the Whole Story

Click on AP Story to Read. It's short.
It's been a big week in the world of bullying prevention. A new national study,"Trends in Childhood Violence and Abuse Exposure" was released. A headline from an Associated Press story declares,

U.S. Survey Finds Sharp Drop in Children's Bullying

Not to be presumptuous, but I'd like to do a little editing:

U.S. Survey Finds a Sharp Drop in Children'sPhysical Bullying

That's good news in itself and programs, such as Olweus, should feel very encouraged and proud that programs such as theirs are making an impact. This survey is validation to keep up the good work and to continue funding critical programs that make children feel safer at school and thus perform better. According to the story:

The study, funded by the U.S. Department of Justice, found that the percentage of children who reported being physically bullied over the past year had declined from nearly 22 percent in 2003 to under 15 percent in 2008. The percentage reporting they'd been assaulted by other youths, including their siblings, dropped from 45 percent to 38.4 percent.

BUT...
The term bullying has come to mean more than physical bullying. The headline is dangerously misleading. I want to celebrate with the rest of the bullying prevention advocates but I was a little unnerved by the broad classification of bullying. I have a sense that physical bullying may be on the decline but other forms are not: cyberbullying, including texting and misuse of social networks, and mental abuse including ostracizing and teasing. Also, I'm wondering if kids with conditions, such as Asperger's, are finding that physical bullying is on the decline -- or on the rise. The same question applies to gay teens.

The simple act of adding the word "Physical" to the headline is really important for a few reasons:

• AP stories reach the general public and the general public is a little behind the curve in understanding bullying. It's not "Sid" in Toy Story anymore. It's kids finding new and more efficient ways to belittle their peers.

• Adults may start to dismiss the issue of bullying, assuming it is being taken care of. Marlene Snyder of Clemson was so correct when she said that we can't let up on this effort. Every year, new teachers have to be trained. It's not solved, it's showing signs of promise.

• 15% of kids reporting that they've been somehow physically assaulted is still a lot of kids.

• Bullying is too general a term and kids who are experiencing emotional pain at the hands of peers aren't necessarily thinking this is a problem that is going away anytime soon. They don't know what to call it but it hurts.

• AP is everywhere. Leaving out a critical word in a headline has ramifications forever. We need to draw more decision makers into this issue and it would be tragic if reading this headline somehow diminishes the breadth of the problem.

But here comes another BUT...

If this survey inspires good, smart, devoted people to keep at it because there are tangible results then there is much good that comes out of the attention.

Show this to all the headline writers you know.