Listen to Ally: When It Comes to Being Bullied, She Knows What She's Talking About

Several months ago, my friend, Nancy, and I attended a bullying and cyberbullying panel discussion featuring some of the top names in the field...but the most impressive by far, was an expert sitting in the audience. The most riveting remarks were by a young well-spoken girl by the name of Ally. She began to speak honestly and openly about her own experience:

Allyson is a 21-year-old from Franklin, NJ who was cyberbullied, bullied, and harassed in high school after an ex-boyfriend forwarded a topless picture of her to her entire school. She has since done multiple interviews, goes to schools and talks to students about the dangers of sexting, and educates others on digital abuse awareness. She also appeared in the MTV News special "Sexting in America: When Privates Go Public." She is currently attending school for Vascular Sonography and is writing a book about sexting and the severe repercussions she had to overcome after high school.

I reached out to Ally to ask her to share her three top tips for parents and teens:

1) Do not ever put anything in writing or pictures that you wouldn't want your parents, teachers, or family to see. Once something is sent it can never be taken back. It is virtually out there forever, and it CAN haunt you for the rest of your life.

2) If you are a parent or guardian and you suspect something is up with your teen, TALK TO THEM. Keep your eyes open to warning signs of bullying. i.e drop in grades, isolation, sudden personality changes.

3) If you are a teen who is being bullied online or off, GET HELP. Be it through your parents, a trusted friend, or a teacher, find someone you trust who is reliable enough to help you. You can not deal with it on your own.

Ally taught me so much in just a few minutes during that symposium. She was immediately likable and made me realize that this momentary lapse in judgment can happen to anyone and the fallout is cruel and brutal. (I always say that "even nice kids" can run into trouble on the internet but no one deserves to be tortured.)

October's National Geographic cover story, The New Science of the Teenage Brain, as well as CNN's story, Why Teens Are Wired For Risk explain why teens do things that seem risky and thoughtless. They mention 2 things: 1.) they don't think about the risk, they think about the reward (such as having a boy really like you) and 2.) they are preparing to leave the nest and become independent (from what I understand, kind of testing things out.)

Knowng this doesn't make it any easier to parent teens, but it may make it easier to understand why even "good" kids push the envelope (and actually most kids are good). We cannot abandon them.

Thanks, Ally, for being brave and sharing your story. It's noble that you're willing to help others.

And, thanks to my dentist, Dr. Tricorache. Have you noticed yet that your October issue of National Geographic is missing? (Some brains actually never fully mature.)

Progress in Cyberbullying Prevention: Go California!

California has come up with a law that is simple and brilliant. Although it's a California law, every parent from coast to coast should know about it.

This law makes it a crime to set up an online account impersonating someone else for the purpose of causing harm. In other words, if someone pretends to be you -- or your child -- online and then starts spreading rumors or damaging information, they could go to jail.

Although the law is apparently only a paragraph, it has big potential to help. Up until now, there was very little someone could do if they were at the receiving end of harmful impersonation. That's hard enough for adults, but can you imagine being a teen and trying to cope with someone pretending to be you and then spreading poison?

I'm hoping that the remaining 49 states jump on board but it's key that California is the first. As Hemu Nigam, Internet Security Specialist, explains in the interview, most of the internet companies are based in California so there's a better chance that no matter where the internet crime happens, it could possibly be prosecuted. (If I understand this correctly, when information passes through servers based in California, technically it could be considered under the California law.)

This is going in the right direction to protect all of us, especially for "that kid at home." Come on New York, Indiana, Florida, Colorado.............................

"What We All Want In Life Is A Shot": Bullying and Special Needs

Every parent wants to see their kid hit it out of the park -- just once. For Jason McElwain, it was dunking 3 pointers.

"Hitting it out of the park" can apply to anything. For some it's sports but for others it can be math, photography, music, writing or hundreds of other interests. EVERY parent wants this feeling of accomplishment for their child, including parents of children with special needs.

Sometimes it's a coach like Jim Johnson of Greece Athena High School or sometimes it's someone who just recognizes the whole person, not just aspects of a child that make it hard for them to fit in. Ironically, it's the hidden parts that make them stand out that need to be discovered, nurtured, appreciated and given a chance. If schools aren't prepared to educate mainstream students about kids with disabilities, then kids with challenges, such as Asperger's, don't have a chance "to take their shot." As a matter of fact, it's often the opposite. Kids with challenges are vulnerable to taunts, exclusion and physical bullying. (As mentioned in previous posts, kids with Asperger's are 6 times more likely to be bullied in school.)

Jason McElwain's story is a teachable moment. It's up to the entire school--students, parents, teachers, coaches--to help every child "hit it out of the park."

If every parent talked to their child about how to treat others in school before the new year started, bullying wouldn't be the reason why tens of thousands of kids don't want to go to school. As a commentator from ESPN said, "What we all want in life is a shot." Let's start talking.