More About Phoebe Prince

This article in Slate about Phoebe Prince and the events leading up to her suicide is an important read.

It focuses less on bullying and more on the fact that, according to this piece, she was troubled. She was involved in a lot more stuff than what you want a fifteen year-old to be doing, including cutting herself, having sex and smoking pot.

Reporter Emily Bazelon describes a variety of factors leading up to Phoebe's death, including her parents' separation and her heart-wrenching sadness at missing her father who stayed behind in Ireland.

The most disturbing part of this is that she was fifteen. It would be hard to handle all the emotions that come with the grief of separation as well as the guilt of risky behavior at such a young age.

It seems that some of the wheels were falling off for poor Phoebe. Perhaps the harshness of peers helped force one or two of those wheels to come loose. The students charged in her death may or may not be responsible but the cruelty of some of their interactions and their extracurricular activities should make us sit up and take notice.

I'm sure there was no way for them to know how vulnerable she already was, but isn't that the case for all of us? When we're being harsh, we don't actually know if we're talking to a "Phoebe Prince" or not.

If there's a lesson here, it's that we need to work harder to smooth over the edges that kids are developing by their early teens. Keeping the wheels on starts early.

Come On America, Untangle This Mess!

This blog on bullying is called Tangled Ball. Why? Because bullying is a messy, complicated problem. What's happening in South Hadley, Massachusetts right now is the clearest example of how the lives of our young, our families and our schools are being lost or diminished at the hands of unchecked mean behavior.

If you are a reader of the blog, you know that there are many good people doing many good things in the fields of bullying prevention and online safety. So, this is the question, why is the problem escalating?

It's time to combine efforts, identify real solutions and step up efforts to get these services, products and messages to every parent, child, home, school, media outlet, decision-maker, government agency, pediatrician and mental health professional.

It will take hundreds of solutions. And those that are not worried about protecting their territory, their approach, their product are the ones that will make the difference.

If you work in the field or have an interest in the tide of bullying turning, this is your chance to share your expertise, your opinion, your wish list, or your perspective on what is needed or what is already working to help untangle one string at a time.

Tangled Ball will do it's best to share these ideas and encourage change.

Your comments may mean the difference between life and death. Just look at South Hadley.

Nine Teenagers Charged. How Many Lessons Learned?

The tragedy keeps unfolding. I feel like the whole country got a glass of ice water thrown on their face. Anyone who's been on the fence about whether bullying is just "kids being kids" got a wake up call.

No one wants to be Phoebe Prince's family tonight. No one wants to be one of the nine teenagers and their families tonight. Bottom line.

So. How do we talk to our kids about it? Ask them what they think. Believe me, a conversation like that will be invaluable. Ask them what they think. Ask them how they think it can be changed. It's a good time to listen.