Anderson: Bullying Prevention Expert on What Parents Can Do

Recently, the new Anderson show covered the topic of bullying, which featured bullying prevention expert, Dr. Dorothy Espelage. (By the way, Anderson Cooper went on to host a week of shows about bullying and prevention on AC360 a week later and that's why he should get a Be the One Go-To Adult Award.)

I'm sharing it again, here, because Dr. Espelage gives a tremendous amount of solid advice for parents in a very short period of time and it's worth watching and sharing. She talks about the school's responsibility but also how critical it is for the kids to come home to a safe environment -- one in which they can share what's happening without worry that we'll overreact or under react -- and one that can cushion them from some of the negative things they're experiencing. In other words, they need a sympathetic ear and reassurance that they're important and loved.

Tips from the interview include:

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

• Insist on a bully prevention plan or safety plan for your child
• Call parents of bullies or bully group and arrange a meeting, if you can
• Get your child involved in other activities to build confidence
• If you have the means, get your child in therapy


WHAT YOUR CHILD CAN DO:

• Get off of Formspring and other social networks
• Tell, tell, tell! Talk to parents, and your support network
• Keep record of all bully incidents
• Manage your anger
• Reach out to other kids in your school that are being bullied
• Do not let the bullies know that they got to you
• Role-play

When you listen to her interview, she also mentions that the school bullying policy should match what is really happening. In other words, it's not good enough for a school to say they have a policy if kids aren't being stopped from bullying kids with disabilities or the way they look, etc. It's a great point.

Come to think of it, Dr. Espelage should also get a Be the One Go-To Adult Award.

How To Make A Child Feel Better When They've Been Bullied

Notice that the headline doesn't say "How To Prevent A Child From Being Bullied." Because sometimes we can't. These things often happen in their worlds, not ours. Sometimes there's not a solution. Sometimes the only thing you can do is notice, listen, sympathize and make them their favorite meal. (And then try not to cry yourself to sleep.)

It is heart-wrenching when we don't have the answers and we may not ever know if just listening and "being there" did any good. Chances are though, that it does. You only have to look back at your own experience to know that it's true.

Bullying prevention expert Dr. Dorothy Espelage appeared on the show to share her thoughts on what to do for your child. It's good Be the One Go-To Adult advice. I sincerely hope you don't need it but in the event that you could use expert advice, here it is.

How To Help Prevent the Pain of Bullying

How is it that it's become almost common to read about young kids who have committed suicide due to bullying. Just this past weekend, it only took me a couple of minutes to find three news stories relating to three different kids growing up in three different places -- The Wall Street Journal, The Irish Times and KLAS-TV -- but who have one horrible thing in common. They took their own lives.

Are we in danger of thinking this is normal? Bullying is so complicated. A tangled mess of factors make it hard to tackle -- but there are things we can do.

A leading problem:

#1: Kids Feel Alone

Kids feel alone when they are bullied. For every horrible extreme tragic story of suicide, there are hundreds, maybe thousands of kids who are walking around with similar pain and are struggling to figure it out for themselves.

Experts usually advise kids to go tell someone -- a trusted adult.

Why is it that many kids don't tell an adult? Answer: They're afraid we don't really understand the situation and we'll make it worse. They are often right.

Part of a Solution?

Be the One Go-To Adult

We can start bridging this gap between adults and kids when they're young. We can empower them in school and home with an expectation on how to treat others and how to be treated, set a school climate where it's not cool to be the bully, and engage adults by guiding them in some basic "do's" and "don't's" when communicating with -- or acting on behalf -- of a child.

If kids feel we're not going to overreact -- or under react -- or not judge them -- or embarrass them, then they might start sharing more. We might be able to hear the pain in their voice and at the very least reassure them that they are valuable. If kids understand early on that they can get the validation they need to stop their emotions from spiraling, that skill may be invaluable as they get older.

I once heard an expert say, that as a child, you only need one person to get you in order to be ok. (It was Gary Neuman who helps, among others, children of divorce.) That's so hopeful, especially if we all understand that we can be that one person who makes a child feel like they're ok.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Kathryn Otoshi, author of One, and I are proud to have created materials for elementary schools that allow kids to identify their "Be the One Go-To Adult," (hopefully in advance of a problem) and provide the adults in their life with some basic tools and advice to help them "Be the One BEST Go-To Adult" possible.

We would be honored if you downloaded the Be the One Go-To Adult Certificate and the Be the One Go-To Adult Congratulatory Letter for your school or after school program. Could it mean life or death to a child? Maybe by using tools like these and working together we won't find out.

Sometimes It Just Takes One.