The Most Amazing Teacher. The Most Amazing Leadership.

Since this has gotten over a million views, I'm sure many of you have seen the story of this teacher.  His  ability to teach a lesson in physics seems fabulous but his teaching by example is off the charts.

This is what leadership looks like so please share this with everyone you know.

Leadership is the anti-bully.  The more we can show kids what real strength is all about, we have a shot.

No other words needed.

When a Company Takes Leadership Seriously

As we begin 2013 with hope, it's ok to admit that the end of 2012 left the country, especially the Northeast, shaken.  The destruction of Sandy and the horror of Newtown, left a wake of uncertainty, a feeling of powerlessness, and a craving for leadership.

Sometimes, it's individual heroes that emerge and other times it's the leaders in the boardrooms who make the right decisions and offer the right direction to help us where they can.  

In response to these two separate tragedies, Scholastic stepped up.

Sandy Relief

Thanks to Scholastic, one million new books are being donated and delivered to affected schools who were in Sandy's path.  Although books are desperately needed in these communities, it is boilers, sheetrock, and basic equipment that need to be purchased first.  Dazed and strained, schools still need to do their job every day.  Education has to continue... but how do you encourage children to be lifelong readers and achievers if there aren't enough books?  Who is going to replace them when every dollar is already spoken for?  Enter Scholastic.  Books are on their way to these communities.  Sounds simple but as anyone knows who has worked on any type of relief effort, it's hard work to get to the point where trucks can be loaded up.

Unthinkable Connecticut Tragedy

How will we ever get our arms around what happened in Newtown?  Scholastic reacted quickly.  As a trusted source for teachers, Scholastic provided a steady hand and solid advice to teachers who had to walk back into their own schools to try to explain the inexplicable and to provide comfort to children and peers.  

President and CEO Dick Robinson's letter to teachers about Newtown is worth a read.  It's insightful and strikes me as a message of respect for their dedication and courage. 

Our hearts go out to the 20 families who lost their dear first-grade children. We mourn for the six adults — teachers, principal, and school psychologist — who gave their lives to protect their students at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Our shared grief is not enough, however, to honor their sacrifice. We ask our political leaders to take action against the presence of assault weapons so we can take at least one step toward ensuring a society where children and teachers are free to learn without concern of deadly attacks.  We also must work to mitigate the gun violence that affects some urban children on their way to school every single day. We count on teachers and public servants to shoulder the responsibility for our children’s safety, but we do not give them the support they need. Our society needs to increase the availability of school health resources, and to pass laws that will protect schools and children against gun violence.  

If you're a teacher or know one, you may also appreciate Scholastic's fantastic advice and resources, which I think would be helpful for any tragedy affecting the minds and hearts of school-aged children and everyone who works in schools.

The longer I live, the more I appreciate the value of leadership.  It comes in all forms and this time it came from a company who believes it has a responsibility to their customers because they're not just any customer.  They are the men and women who are leading our children in the classroom. 

Is There a Teacher In Your Life That Taught You How To Step Up?

If so, you have a fantastic opportunity to pay them back.  Facing History and Ourselves, an awesome organization that devotes itself to teaching kids how to be "upstanders," is offering a $5,000 grant to an educator who has inspired kids to step up.

As my Irish friends would say, "Brilliant!"

I really believe that we have to give our good teachers oxygen by telling them they are appreciated.  Schools and teachers are severely criticized but there are exceptional schools and devoted teachers that need and deserve our appreciation and respect...and the chance to win some money.

Facing History is doing something so important.  We need to recognize those who inspire our kids...and for that, Facing History, you have my admiration.

It's made me think about the educators in my life.  Thanks, Mrs. Behrens and Mr. Christian.  You showed me how to step up by your example.

Nominate someone today!  The deadline is Monday, October 22nd! 

The Fat Boy Chronicles: Obesity, Bullying and Teachable Moments

Have you heard of The Fat Boy Chronicles?  The book, co-written by authors Michael Buchanan and Diane Lang, both former award-winning teachers, is based on a true story of a bullied obese ninth grader.  It doesn't matter how old you are, you're transported back to high school.  I swear that you can almost smell the cafeteria and feel that old familiar knot in your stomach when the main character, Jimmy Winterpock, talks about gym class.

(I guess I shouldn't speak for everyone when I wince at the memories of gym, but my high school nemesis, Erin, made gym a living hell for me.  I'm embarrassed to say that when I heard she hadn't faired too well in adulthood, I wasn't surprised or heartbroken.  Small of me, I know, but I'm human.)

Through Jimmy's English class journal entries, we get a realistic peak into what high school is really like for an obese teen.  Obesity is the #1 reason kids are bullied but I think any kid who is perceived as "different" in any way, can relate to The Fat Boy Chronicles.   The movie inspired by the novel masterfully tells Jimmy's story and is perfect for school and community screenings.  Curriculum is also available.

The creators of The Fat Boy Chronicles have embarked on a new project:  Boxes.

The premise:  Everyone has worth.

They're looking to raise money to see this project off the ground.  I'm going to donate because their mission makes sense to me.

Just in case you're interested, here's more info:



If you're a teacher, principal or counselor, you may want to use The Fat Boy Chronicles in your school in September (National Obesity Awareness Month) and/or October (National Bullying Prevention Month.)

The Charles M. Blow Essay on Bullying You'll Never Forget

I had never thought of suicide before and had never remembered ever speaking the word, but, in that moment, the idea fell on me so completely and so agreeably that it was as if I had planned it.

I dug the bottle of aspirin from my pocket. I was going to take them all. I had no idea if they would kill me, but I hoped that they would. Then the questions came. Would it hurt? How long would it take? Would my mother be sad? Would I go to hell for committing suicide? Heavy questions piling up like boots at the bottom of a dark closet.

Before I could form answers, one of my mother’s songs came to save me.

The New York Times published this essay, The Bleakness of the Bullied, by Op-Ed Columnist Charles M. Blow on October 15th. He was referring to a time in his life that bullying and teasing were partly responsible for almost driving him to suicide. He was 8.

In today's letter to the editor by Stuart Green, Director of the New Jersey Coalition for Bullying Awareness and Prevention, he adds,

And when bullying does occur, we must ensure that all children have the lifesaving adult support that rescued him, if not at home, then at school.

I couldn't agree more. How do we make sure that each child has that Go-To adult in their life? Why is it so important? It can be the difference between life and death. Or it can be the difference between suffering and the light-heartedness children truly deserve.

By sharing his story and lending his beautiful writing skills to helping us feel the problem, Charles should get a Be the One Go-To Adult Award!

How To Help Prevent the Pain of Bullying

How is it that it's become almost common to read about young kids who have committed suicide due to bullying. Just this past weekend, it only took me a couple of minutes to find three news stories relating to three different kids growing up in three different places -- The Wall Street Journal, The Irish Times and KLAS-TV -- but who have one horrible thing in common. They took their own lives.

Are we in danger of thinking this is normal? Bullying is so complicated. A tangled mess of factors make it hard to tackle -- but there are things we can do.

A leading problem:

#1: Kids Feel Alone

Kids feel alone when they are bullied. For every horrible extreme tragic story of suicide, there are hundreds, maybe thousands of kids who are walking around with similar pain and are struggling to figure it out for themselves.

Experts usually advise kids to go tell someone -- a trusted adult.

Why is it that many kids don't tell an adult? Answer: They're afraid we don't really understand the situation and we'll make it worse. They are often right.

Part of a Solution?

Be the One Go-To Adult

We can start bridging this gap between adults and kids when they're young. We can empower them in school and home with an expectation on how to treat others and how to be treated, set a school climate where it's not cool to be the bully, and engage adults by guiding them in some basic "do's" and "don't's" when communicating with -- or acting on behalf -- of a child.

If kids feel we're not going to overreact -- or under react -- or not judge them -- or embarrass them, then they might start sharing more. We might be able to hear the pain in their voice and at the very least reassure them that they are valuable. If kids understand early on that they can get the validation they need to stop their emotions from spiraling, that skill may be invaluable as they get older.

I once heard an expert say, that as a child, you only need one person to get you in order to be ok. (It was Gary Neuman who helps, among others, children of divorce.) That's so hopeful, especially if we all understand that we can be that one person who makes a child feel like they're ok.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Kathryn Otoshi, author of One, and I are proud to have created materials for elementary schools that allow kids to identify their "Be the One Go-To Adult," (hopefully in advance of a problem) and provide the adults in their life with some basic tools and advice to help them "Be the One BEST Go-To Adult" possible.

We would be honored if you downloaded the Be the One Go-To Adult Certificate and the Be the One Go-To Adult Congratulatory Letter for your school or after school program. Could it mean life or death to a child? Maybe by using tools like these and working together we won't find out.

Sometimes It Just Takes One.

THINK Before You Speak

A friend of mine who has three young daughters just sent "THINK" to me. Nancy is a believer in teaching her children from a young age to respect others and to expect respect in return. To do this, it takes the 3R's we don't normally think of when we think about elementary school education: reflection, relationship and resilience. Seems like these are sophisticated concepts for little kids but it's amazing how much they absorb and how simple the messages can be, for example:

THINK before you speak:

T - is it True?
H - is it Helpful?
I - is it Inspiring?
N - is it Necessary?
K - is it Kind?

Is it possible to teach young kids in school to be "mindful" before they speak or act? According to The Hawn Foundation (as in Goldie!), yes.



Post 9/11, Goldie was thinking about her legacy and after some mindful thought, decided that she had to make an effort to introduce something important but generally missing in the classroom. JOY.

Mindfulness curriculum, called the MindUP Program, is now available through Scholastic. It sounds very "new age" to talk about social emotional learning (SEL) and particularly mindfulness but it's just common sense. (MindUP is the cornerstone of the initiative, The Optimistic Classroom.) Teach children about the brain when they become school age and they will develop more of an understanding about their emotions, their behavior and their stress levels. It should come as no shock that stress makes it harder for kids to learn.

What's so cool about this training is that it's simple. Although many teachers may be resistant, in the end it's as much a benefit to them as it is to the student. A calmer, more thoughtful class is so much easier -- and much less draining -- to teach.

I sat in on one of the trainings and the teachers on hand who used the tools, were quite enthusiastic. One of the trainers was a principal in a high risk school. She said that incorporating simple techniques throughout the day, made even the emotionally challenged students able to control some of their aggressive impulses. One of the techniques is ringing a hand-held gong three times a day (or anything that makes a pleasant noise) and upon hearing that, the students stop everything and push all thoughts out of their brain in order to catch a breath and re-focus. Sound crazy? I don't think so. If adults did this at work, we wouldn't get so burned out.

Check it out. These techniques can even be used at home. Most of the time, "bullying" behavior is impulsive behavior gone unchecked. What if we taught our kids how to be in charge of their own feelings and behavior?

I think you're on to something, Goldie!

A New Year Brings New Possibilities in Bullying Prevention

Hopefully, more children won't have take their own lives in 2011 in order for us to remain vigilant about bullying prevention.

Three years ago after going to my first Family Online Safety Institute conference in D.C. and then the International Bullying Prevention Association meeting in Indianapolis, I came away with several thoughts:

• There should be one conference that discusses both: bullying offline and online. Kids see it as all one seamless community. For those being bullied in the schoolyard and then online, it's all one big heartache.

Good News: This year I noticed a shift. Experts are starting to talk about kid's online and offline lives as one life. It's a concept that's a little hard for adults to understand but is key for prevention.

• Bullying Prevention messages need to be mainstreamed to the general public. There are great experts doing fantastic work but not enough people know about the tools that are available. Are any of those tools the entire solution? Absolutely not. But if we can help a handful of kids in every school in America, we're talking about thousands.

Here's my pick of the day: Steps to Respect. Check out their materials. I believe in early prevention and also involving the entire school community, including teachers and parents, so I was impressed. Pre-K through elementary school is where it's at if we want to nip some of the abusive behavior in the bud.

In a recent study, researchers found that Steps to Respect helped lower incidences of bullying, such as gossip and spreading rumors by 72%.

According to the study:

When students' playground gossip was observed in the spring, children in the Steps to Respect classrooms had 234 fewer instances of gossip per class of 25, or a 72 percent decrease in gossip among students who had gossiped before participating in the anti-bullying program.

Even if it was half that percentage, it's worth a shot. (Anecdotally and surprisingly, spreading rumors is one of the top reasons given when I ask kids in fourth and fifth grades what bothers them most.)

I'd really like to hear from teachers and/or parents who've used the Steps to Respect materials. My goal is to share any and all tools and information that will make a difference.

Here's to a happy, healthy...and lighthearted 2011!

What's Your Excuse for Not Having a Bullying Prevention Plan?

Tangled Ball would like to clear up a few misconceptions for all elementary schools who are reluctant to step in when it comes to bullying prevention. (Prevention being the key word here -- meaning taking measures so something doesn't happen.)

This is what it isn't:

• It's not admitting that you have a problem.

• It's not taking away from "teaching" time.

• It doesn't have to hurt your budget.

• It doesn't have to be a "downer."

First, bullying happens at EVERY school and starts young. That is in no way blaming the school. Schools are full of people -- small and big -- who come with their own personalities and their own learned behavior. Bullying happens. No guilt necessary, unless, of course, you don't recognize this basic fact and step up to help dial it down.

There are countless of creative ways to introduce bullying prevention messages in core curriculum. If you want some suggestions, just email me at: thetangledball@gmail.com!

• There are great free resources out there for schools and parents.

• It can be empowering and fun and positive. As a matter of fact, when you start prevention campaigns as early as Pre-K and upwards through elementary, it better be somewhat fun or it won't stick.

So to all those great principals out there who put their own ego aside and say,

Heck, yea, this is a problem and I'm not going to sit by and pretend it doesn't happen. I'm going to at least try to send the message in school that everyone counts.

A toast to you! You're awesome and the kids in your care are lucky. (I have to give a shout out to Mrs. Theresa Signorile at Our Lady Queen of Peace on Staten Island. She's a great example of stepping up for her students. The smiling happy kids in the picture above are part of the OLQP Leadership Campaign. The Be the One project includes the entire school and it's focus is to create a partnership between upper and lower grades to teach respect. Respect is the anti-bully.)

If you're a parent reading this, assist your school by doing a little research and helping the administration and teachers organize and implement a bullying prevention plan. Schools can always use an assist.

PTO Today is a one of the good resources out there supporting the parent/school relationship. It's a win-win.

And if you're a parent or principal and you're reading this and rolling your eyeballs and saying, "This is delusional. None of these things are going to solve the problem." You're half right. The problem will probably never be solved per se, but it may improve, and if a handful of kids don't end up carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders because you made an effort, is it still worth it? I'll let you answer that yourself.

National School Climate Center and Bully Bust Deserve Tangled Ball Award

Here's an organization that's doing the important work of drilling down to the meat of the problem. Formerly the Center for Social and Emotional Education, it has recently been renamed to National School Climate Center. It was established to research, assess and train educators on the critical elements that create better "school climates." In other words, more nurturing schools...because the safer kids feel, the better their performance.

Last year they created Bully Bust and last month launched a brand new site with incredible and FREE tools for schools and home. (Yes, I said FREE and they're fantastic.) So basically, there's no excuse not to use these resources.

Besides being really smart, they're creative, too. Check out their promotion with the Broadway show, Wicked. Wickedly brilliant!

Although the Center's focus is on educators, President and Co-Founder Jonathon Cohen was recently asked:

How can parents help improve school climate?

Parents and guardians play an essential and critical part in school climate reform. When in doubt, children listen to their parents and not educators. And, there is a growing body of educational research that underscores the importance of parents and educators learning and working together. Parent leaders need to work with school and ideally, student leaders to periodically consider the following kinds of essential questions:

• what kind of school do we really want ours to be? And, how are current policies or rules as well as instructional and school improvement efforts aligned with our vision?

• how can the adults work together in a ‘non-blaming’ and collaborative problem solving spirit?

• How can parents and teachers – together – develop plans that will be support their child and all children to be able to learn and develop in healthy ways.

It truly does take the whole village to raise healthy children. And, the “whole village” begins with parents and educators learning and working together to make their school a safe, supportive, engaging, helpfully challenging and as much as possible, fun place to be.

So here's to the smart folks at the National School Climate Center. Thanks for using your time and talents to help create schools where kids want to spend their time.

When the Teacher is the Bully...or When the Teacher's Behavior is NOT Acceptable

When I couldn't find any easy answers to the question, "What do parents and children do when the teacher is the bully?," I turned to someone I really respect in the field. Stan Davis, author of "Schools Where Everyone Belongs: Practical Strategies for Reducing Bullying" and "Empowering Bystanders in Bullying Prevention" to get some advice.

Stan's response:

"I would reword the question: What if a teacher is saying and or doing things to your child that you find unacceptable?

As with childrens' verbal, physical, or relational aggression toward peers, the word "bullying" is so emotionally loaded that it can make dealing with the issue more difficult.

The first step is to keep an objective, factual record of behaviors, dates, places, and witnesses. When you have a record of what you see as unacceptable behaviors, I would suggest reviewing the list with a few friends who have good judgment to make sure you are not over-reacting to teaching behavior that is not pleasant but is acceptable.

As I see it, every student will have some teachers and some work supervisors who they do not like. At the mild end of that scale, learning to get along with a somewhat unpleasant teacher can be a good learning experience. As with peer aggression, there are behaviors that a student should be expected to deal with. There are behaviors that a student should try dealing with for a while and for which a parent or guardian should then intervene. There are teacher behaviors for which a parent or guardian should intervene right away.

When it comes time for parent or guardian intervention with unacceptable behavior, I would suggest deciding whether it will be useful to communicate with the teacher her or himself or whether the parent or guardian should go directly to the principal. This decision would be based on the behaviors in question, on the student's degree of concern about possible retaliation, and with the family's past experience with the teacher or other educator.

In either case, I would suggest bringing in the list of behaviors and asking that they stop. It will help to have a list of positives about the teacher as well if possible. If meeting with the teacher leads to resistance or to no change, it is time to meet with the principal. In this case I suggest that people document the earlier meeting and ask the principal if the behaviors described on the list are acceptable to her or him.

If the administrator finds the behaviors unacceptable, ask for a plan to change them or protect your child from them. If the administrator finds the behavior acceptable and you as a parent do not, the next step is to move up the chain of authority in the school system.

It is often best to begin approaching teachers and administrators in a calm and nonconfrontational way, assuming that they want to know that a set of actions is having a bad impact on your child.

Tangled Ball follow up question:

What does a parent tell a child when their teacher is acting poorly towards them or for that matter, to someone else in the class?

Stan's answer:

"As with peer bullying, there is negative behavior kids should learn to deal with (maybe a teacher is a little brusque but not insulting, maybe the teacher isn't encouraging kids as much as your child would like, maybe the teacher doesn't give as much positive feedback as another teacher) - but the teacher has other strengths. In these cases I think we could point out that all teachers are different and that this teacher does somethings very well......

There is negative behavior kids shouldn't learn to deal with: being insulted or seeing another insulted, being told they are stupid or lazy (or hearing another child called that), angry yelling, etc....

In that case I think kids should know that not all adults act in a way that you as a family think they should and that when you as a family believe something is wrong you have to take action to make things better- just as if we don't like what our government is doing we have to make things better. In neither case do we have to tell the child or teen that the teacher is a bad person, rather that we find some actions unacceptable."

This is a tough one and the only thing I'd add is to try to lessen the child's stress. A laugh, a bowl of ice cream, a little help with homework or whatever your child needs to help fill their soul after they get the stuffing knocked out of them a little bit. It's like having a bad boss. Eventually and hopefully you get promoted or the boss leaves or there is some divine intervention before you hit retirement age. Luckily for a kid, the school year is 9 months and if you can keep them feeling ok about themselves, you're a step ahead.

I hope Stan agrees because he walks the walk every day.