Jennifer Aniston Proves that It Takes Seconds to Stop a Bully

Dr. Michele Borba, a renowned parenting expert, speaker and author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, recently outlined her list of 6 Teachable Skills to Stop a Bully. In it she describes a study that indicates that when a bystander (or better yet, upstander) steps in to confront a bully, in over half the incidences, the bullying stops in 10 seconds. Imagine that. 10 seconds.

Recently, a megastar proved that point. Although this is fairly old news in the world of celebrityhood, apparently Jennifer Aniston stepped up to ask Perez Hilton to stop saying nasty things. Very, very tricky. It could have gone very well or very badly. What if Jennifer approached him and he used it against her? There are no rules when you make your dough dishing the dirt. But apparently the self proclaimed "Queen of Media" took it like a man and has promised to tone it down a bit. Risky for him as well, because being mean has been part of his schtick and even poor Perez has to eat at 5 star restaurants. (Not sure I still trust the guy but I have to give him credit for listening.)

This may be old star watching news but it deserves to be discussed a little more. What if we can train kids from young ages to step up? That's what I'd like to accomplish in one school with a mentoring program called Be the One, based on Kathryn Otoshi's award-winning book, One. It's important to give kids skills to help stop bullying situations in ways comfortable for them -- directly confronting the bully, getting an adult to help, not participating or laughing when someone is being mistreated, using humor, showing compassion, etc.

This recent article in the New York Times describes how often bullying happens within the popular crowd. Anyone who's involved in a school knows that there's a lot of truth to that...and it makes stepping in even harder. It makes me think that this training has to start early -- kindergarten on up -- before kids get too sucked into cliques.

So Jennifer is an upstander. A well paid, well publicized, glamorous super star... UPSTANDER!.

Michele Borba: Bullying Prevention and All Around Great Parenting Expert

How does Dr. Michele Borba do it all? She's an award-winning author of 23 parenting books, including The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, international speaker, educational consultant, parenting expert as well as a child and adolescent expert and a regular contributor to the Today Show. That's in between being a guest on countless other national shows and the expert featured in multiple magazines.

Her Reality Check blog (oh, yeah, she blogs, too) is a fantastic resource. As a professional, mother and former teacher, her advice is practical, real and spot on. Bullying and cyber bullying are definitely on her radar screen and worthy of our attention.

Dr. Borba's tagline, Proven Solutions to Raise Strong Caring Kids, says it all. The word strong and caring are two traits that should be paired up more often.

This expert gets a Tangled Ball Award because she's the real deal. Smart but approachable and full of good things to say.

But back to the original question. Michele, how do you do it all?

Luckily, she was able to multi-task as she got ready for this morning's appearance on Today and answered two important questions for Tangled Ball:

Should parents wait until middle school to worry about bullying and cyber bullying?

While we know that bullying peaks during those middle school years, one of our biggest mistakes is waiting until then to have those "bullying" chats with our kids. Habits start early, so we need to start teaching bully prevention strategies far earlier. For instance, new research shows a commonality between bullies and victims .. both lack problem solving. We can start teaching problem solving in preschool: "Tell me the problem...okay, let's think of one thing you can do instead." If we want our children to be able to hold their own and be less likely to be bullied, we should stop rescuing, talking for them, or always solving their problems. Instead, we can teach them to use a firm voice and say, "Stop it. I don't like it." Or learn to hold their head up, look the person in the eye so their body appears stronger and more confident. We also need to help our kids develop empathy and impulse control. Skills are teachable. Our children need skills to be able to navigate a sometimes vicious social jungle. It's up to us to teach them those core skills. Doing so is a key first step to reducing the bullying problem.

How do we engage more people in the bullying prevention solution?

Knowledge is power. Knowledge mobilizes groups and makes the step up, roll up their sleeves and work on solutions. The first step to engaging people in the bullying prevention solution is through education. I've worked in dozens of communities where parents, teachers, coaches, scout leaders, ministers, the press, etc are working together. Start with holding book clubs and read one good book about bullying together. Ask the local newspaper to put in weekly articles about bullying and simple solutions. Bring in a good speaker about bullying to talk to your PTA. Ask the principal to put simple bully prevention tips in the school newsletter. Pediatricians and Boys and Girls Club directors can post tips in their office. The city librarian can set aside a display in the local library with books and resources that are available. Show folks that bullying can be prevented by giving them the resources. It will make a difference!

Agreed!