If You Had To Choose Two Best Pieces of Bullying Prevention Advice

Last week, I spoke to a local Rotary Club (by the way, they do great work for the community) and during the question and answer session, one member asked me what my best piece of advice was for a parent of a child getting ready to start middle school.   He alluded that this child had thick glasses and wasn't the coolest cat in town by middle school standards.

When you only have time to give one piece of advice, what would yours be?  Mine was sharing with him a piece of advice that I had come across a few years ago:

Make sure your kids have a few different groups of friends.  

That made sense to me because although you can't always prevent bullying, you can prevent your kids being devastated by bullying if they feel good about themselves somewhere and with someone.

The other question was similar but this time it was about cyberbullying and it came from the same father.  Smart guy.  He realizes that his son or daughter is about to enter a new expanded neighborhood.  What was the first thing that popped in my head?

Make sure the computer is in a public spot.

I also slipped in the advice about asking your child to take you for a tour of what they do on the computer...and also how to train them to take their hands off the keyboard as soon as they see a message they don't like.  Taking a breath and telling an adult are key things to tell your child to do.

I'm just curious.  Bullying and online safety are big subjects.  If you only had 1 minute to share,  what would be your best pieces of advice?

And if you're already back in school, best of luck for a year full of many smiles.

Bully Free Summer Vacation

Summer has such a nice ring to it. It conjures up wonderful thoughts of lazy days and relaxed fun -- unless you're working and your child is having friendship problems. The pain that bullying brings during the school year can spill over to vacation time and not only cause continued heartache but a practical problem, as well.

What do your kids do during the summer if they can't rely on friends to help fill up the time?

Summer can be difficult and if your child isn't having fun, there is nothing light hearted about the season for you, either. It's a constant reminder that off time isn't easy.

The upside is that it may be a good time to build your child's confidence and help them find another group of like-minded kids. It's worth the time to seek out programs -- free or otherwise -- that will give your child new skills or build on the ones they already have.

Sometimes they only need one other person who likes what they like.

In our area, there's a day camp for kids who like to hike. It's great for both girls and boys. Sometimes boys who don't like traditional sports are stigmatized but hiking can be a great alternative. Even guys who like arts and crafts are often given a hard time in school but in a program that uses sticks, leaves, and bugs as materials, the stigma is gone. And girls who don't fit it with certain cliques may actually click with others on the trail.

This is just one example. There are countless programs that may appeal to kids who's interests may be on the "fringe." All that being said, I KNOW what a hassle this can be. Getting a child to and from camps or activities during the summer while you're at work can be brutal...and if your child is having a problem with other kids, you can't rely on their parents to help you out, either. In other words, it's a lot of effort for parents, but doing your homework for summer can really pay off. It may be a time when your child's confidence can actually be the project which may lead to a more positive school year in the fall.

It's also a good time to help them with their social skills. Since they'll be meeting new people, remind them how to make and keep friends.

If you ARE working (and most people are), it's also a great opportunity to set ground rules and time limits on computer use. If your child is one of the over 7.5 million kids under the age of 13 on Facebook, consider taking them off for the summer. A lot can happen when you're not home and according to statistics, over half of the kids harassed online DON'T tell a parent. (They're probably afraid that as adults, we won't handle it right -- and they may be correct.)

The bottom line is that it's nearly impossible for a good parent to have a good summer themselves when their child is miserable. Do yourself a favor and organize a summer that will give both you and your child a vacation from the fallout of bullying. Life should be a beach.

This Mom Should Feel Proud

I was talking to a young girl, now in 8th grade, about how hard the transition was for her when she moved schools two years ago. It was tough. The girls were not as inclusive as they should have been and had a tendency to gossip and the boys in her class were rough and never missed a chance to tease.

But things turned around the next year. I asked her what happened. She said she didn't share her problems with the other kids because she wasn't sure they would use it against her. She said she started trying to find friends she could trust by working on different projects with different kids and getting to know them. Eventually, she found a different set of friends.

When I asked her what her advice was for other kids, she said, "Tell an adult. I told my mother and she listened. It made things better."

Actually, listening isn't as easy as it sounds. When I asked her mom about it, she said, "Listening. A lot of parents don't do that but it's the job. Moms worry about their hair or going to the mall more than listening to their kids but it's the most important thing."

In this case, it spared her sweet girl hours of hurt.

This mom should feel very proud.