If You Had To Choose Two Best Pieces of Bullying Prevention Advice

Last week, I spoke to a local Rotary Club (by the way, they do great work for the community) and during the question and answer session, one member asked me what my best piece of advice was for a parent of a child getting ready to start middle school.   He alluded that this child had thick glasses and wasn't the coolest cat in town by middle school standards.

When you only have time to give one piece of advice, what would yours be?  Mine was sharing with him a piece of advice that I had come across a few years ago:

Make sure your kids have a few different groups of friends.  

That made sense to me because although you can't always prevent bullying, you can prevent your kids being devastated by bullying if they feel good about themselves somewhere and with someone.

The other question was similar but this time it was about cyberbullying and it came from the same father.  Smart guy.  He realizes that his son or daughter is about to enter a new expanded neighborhood.  What was the first thing that popped in my head?

Make sure the computer is in a public spot.

I also slipped in the advice about asking your child to take you for a tour of what they do on the computer...and also how to train them to take their hands off the keyboard as soon as they see a message they don't like.  Taking a breath and telling an adult are key things to tell your child to do.

I'm just curious.  Bullying and online safety are big subjects.  If you only had 1 minute to share,  what would be your best pieces of advice?

And if you're already back in school, best of luck for a year full of many smiles.

Where Can You Buy a Refrigerator AND Get Help in Bullying Prevention? Sears.

Sears officially launched its Team Up to Stop Bullying campaign a few days ago.  This is a comprehensive effort to not only address the problem but to offer solutions.

The site is clever and offers resources for all key people:  students, families, educators and even a special section for cyberbullying victims.

I have to say that just three years ago when I started to devote the majority of my time to this issue, many people looked at me like I had two heads but over time, and perhaps due to the horrible bullycides that have plagued our country and our kids, more influential people are coming on board.

Enter Sears.  I was thrilled but curious about why this huge company decided to take on bullying.  Marie Newman, Managing Director of the Team Up to Stop Bullying campaign, talked to me the day after the effort officially launched:

"Sears has stepped up to create Team Up To Stop Bullying to address parents, kids, families and schools' need for bullying solutions. While there is an all-time high in awareness, it is important for parents, kids and educators to know there are many existing solutions that work. Those solutions can be found on our website via our 55 bullying solution coalition members. Find bullying solutions and information at sears.com/teamup."

What I really like about it is that it's inclusive.  There are many great experts out there doing good work but not enough people know about them.  Sears has created a one-stop shopping experience for anyone  -- child, parent or school -- who needs help to address their personal situation.  Bullying is a tangled ball -- complicated and messy -- and I thank Sears for stepping up and being willing to offer many solutions to one big problem.

Why Anti-Bullying Programs Miss the Mark

Couldn't have said it better myself...so I didn't try. Enjoy this great article from Jane and Blair:

(Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com)

As I direct my focus to a new school year about to begin, I reflect back on the past school year and the approaches I’ve seen schools take to address school bullying among their students and their staff. The one that really misses the mark is starting an anti-bullying program.
It is common for us to see something we don’t like and to join an anti-[fill in the blank] campaign. We talk about, write about, and complain about how bad it is. Our focus is on resisting the thing we don’t like, in this case bullying. We push against it. And that’s the problem.

What We Resist Persists

There’s an old saying: What we resist persists. Put another way, when we are negative about an issue, we perpetuate or spread negativity.

When we jump on the anti-bullying bandwagon, our attention, energy and focus are on the negativity of bullying. From this place of negativity, we lack emotional access to positive solutions. The anti name has a persistent negative influence.

As an alternative to a dooms day attitude or an angry approach, a more effective option is to recognize the bullying we see. Name it. Be curious about it. Look at it from several angles. But don’t stay stuck there.

Once we’ve gotten clear on what we are seeing and where it is coming from, work to clarify what we DO want. We want better social skills, social competence, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, healthy friendships, a positive culture, a positive climate, and positive role models.

A Springboard to Create a Replacement of Bullying Behavior

This positive focus gives us a springboard to create what we want.
Once we know what we want in bullying prevention, our job is to provide structures, training, and ongoing support for our students and for our school staff – all based on a focus of creating what we want, not on stopping what we don’t want.

Let’s replace those anti-bullying posters (of kids bullying or being bullied) with posters representing healthy friendships and acts of kindness. Start social skills training early. Put forth positive examples, language and visuals everywhere to influence your students in a positive way!

© 2011 A Way Through, LLC