One Can Count

Watch NYOne!

New Elementary School Leadership Program Launches.  

One Can Count!

Last Friday was a good day, thanks to Senator Andrew Lanza and P.S. 5, a beautiful elementary school in Staten Island, New York.

It was a day that we celebrated leadership with Kindergartners and Fifth Graders.  These partners have been involved in the One Can Count campaign since October.  (We planned the launch for October 29th but Sandy had other plans.)  As partners, they're working on lessons of respect and having fun at the same time.

One Can Count is based on Kathryn Otoshi's award-winning children's book, One.  Like many others -- children and adults alike -- I was inspired by this beautiful book that simply and insightfully boils down the issue of bullying to numbers, letters and a meaningful message about stepping up.

I reached out to Ms. Otoshi and together we came up with ways to use One in individual elementary school classrooms or as a school-wide mentoring campaign.  Kids are the experts which is why we made them the teachers.

We hope these help you inspire your little leaders because leadership is the anti-bully.  Go to Tangled Ball.com and download the materials for free.

(A special thanks to Nancy DeMuro for getting the Tangled Ball rolling!)

Kathryn Otoshi and students share the message of One!:

Is There a Teacher In Your Life That Taught You How To Step Up?

If so, you have a fantastic opportunity to pay them back.  Facing History and Ourselves, an awesome organization that devotes itself to teaching kids how to be "upstanders," is offering a $5,000 grant to an educator who has inspired kids to step up.

As my Irish friends would say, "Brilliant!"

I really believe that we have to give our good teachers oxygen by telling them they are appreciated.  Schools and teachers are severely criticized but there are exceptional schools and devoted teachers that need and deserve our appreciation and respect...and the chance to win some money.

Facing History is doing something so important.  We need to recognize those who inspire our kids...and for that, Facing History, you have my admiration.

It's made me think about the educators in my life.  Thanks, Mrs. Behrens and Mr. Christian.  You showed me how to step up by your example.

Nominate someone today!  The deadline is Monday, October 22nd! 

No Such Thing As A Bully

The reason I invested so much of my time in The Bully Project in it's development stage is because I feel strongly that people need to see the problem in order to fix the problem. Bully allows us to see and feel a child's pain and now we need to do something about it.

My goal is to share info on good tools and resources for homes and schools so that after the movie leaves the theaters and the press around the issue dies down, you'll have what you need to make a difference.

I've been following the "No Such Thing As A Bully" campaign for a while. Founders Kelly Karius and Ron Graham have a compelling approach. Their tag line is Shred a Label, Save a Child. They clearly focus on the behavior and allow children to grow in the process. They feel that so much can be accomplished through skill building. It's one thing to tell a child to not to bully -- or to stick up for themselves -- or step up for one another, it's another to train them how to do those things.

Check out their resources. The introduction to the parent's resource guide says that it's a lifetime resource. Bravo Kelly and Ron. This is a lifetime issue and in just recognizing that fact alone and helping a child develop lifetime skills, gives me hope.

I've never met Ron but have talked to Kelly several times and follow her on Facebook. She has great perspective and (thank, God!) a sense of humor, but she got serious when talking about their new No Such Thing As a Bully program:

What inspired you to create your own bullying prevention program?

When I was a brand new social worker, I was asked by 20 sets of parents to advocate for their children, who they felt were being bullied by an adult in the school. What I lived for the next two years astounded me. I saw bully actions in every level of the school, from students, to adults, to bureaucracy, to government. I saw a lack of skills like listening, problem solving, negotiating, empathizing, and understanding. It made me realize that we can't focus a resolution to bullying on what we think kids need to learn. Walk away, ignore and tell someone....those are tools that only work if the adults around children have a certain skill set. I saw the need for a program that was not only comprehensive, but also easy to use and integrate into every day life.


What is at the core of the program?

The bystander is at the core of this program. Which means every child. When I talk to students I don't seek to find out who the 'bullies' and the 'victims' are. I seek to encourage children to become strong bystanders. I tell them, "It doesn't matter if you've used bully actions, or been on the receiving end of bully actions. It's time for a clean start. You are all BYSTANDERS, and I'm going to teach you how to be good bystanders. The program is about skill building, self knowledge and self regulation. When we (adult AND child) can recognize a bully action and feel strong enough to step up and say "Hey, it's not okay to treat (her, him, me) like that", then we're well on the way to solving the problem. The other core part of the program is skillbuilding. When anyone is able to communicate well, manage their fight or flight reaction, balance their thinking and build their own confidence then they are less likely to use bully actions or victim responses, and more able to stand up for others.


What are students getting from it and were you surprised by anything that came out of the program that you didn't expect?

I've been planning really well for this, so there aren't too many surprises, but there are a lot of things that I love. When we piloted our first Community Immersion (a whole week in a school!), the kids were incredible. I love the girl that came up to me and said "Look! Here is my list of 30 ways that I'm going to use the anxiety equation!" I loved teaching for three days, and then hearing the bullying prevention team that was being created use the words "bully action" and create role plays that focused on being a great bystander - without my help. I loved the final assemblies where hands went up and up and up about what they'd learned over the week. I loved hearing children say "I don't have to believe the negative things I think about myself." The screaming applause at the end - THAT was a surprise. I appreciated that for myself because it meant they liked me, but I appreciated it even more because it meant that the kids accepted and needed the material.

And best of all, in follow-up with the school, I know the material is being incorporated into the classrooms, the lessons plans, and one-on-one with students. The solution isn't in the one time appearances. It's in our every day.

So true, Kelly. IT'S IN OUR EVERY DAY.

After the Bully Movie

Bully premieres in New York and LA today. (Actually in about 20 min. in NYC.)

I worked with Lee Hirsch (director) and Cynthia Lowen (producer) during the development phase. Actually, it was just the three of us at the time. (My background is television publicity but ever since Columbine, I have had a passionate interest in this issue...because it's not really an "issue," its an irrational crushing of young hearts.)

Now that the film is out, my thoughts go to "what happens next?"

When you see it (and if you're on this blog, there's a good chance you will), you'll be shocked, saddened and I hope inspired to do something.

For those of you reading this and already working in the field -- Thank You. I know it's been hard to be heard. I know it's been hard to raise money and get your message out there and your tools in the right hands. Regardless of discussions on ratings, I know the movie will help the world pay attention so that resources will become more available. You deserve support.

But what do you do as an individual when you walk out of the theater? You'll almost hope that you're in a position to help a child feel less isolated and hurt.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON is in a position to help.

Here are just three of the ways we can all jump in (and more to come):

• Realize that the movie camera has the advantage of doing closeups and gives us a clear picture of the pain in a child's eyes and confusion on their face. Be the camera. If you feel a child may be having a hard time, don't wait for them to tell you (because most don't). Let them know you actually "see" them, ask questions and then listen without judgment and without overreacting. Strategize together.

Bullying Stops In Ten Seconds When Someone Steps In. Be the Upstander.

• If your child is of school age, consider helping the school raise money for training. Every adult in a school building should be trained but they often don't have the funds. No one ever talks about the money. We can't blame schools until we've helped them get help.

• Care about other people's kids. There are a few ways to do this. If you have children, make sure they're not being the bully -- offline or online. (Kids will be kids...but that's what teachable moments are all about.) Step up when you see another child being mistreated or talk to your own children about how to step up in a way that's comfortable for them. Compliment them when they do.

And finally, Be the One Go-To Adult. If you are interested in early prevention, download the certificate and letter to use at school, girl scouts, boy scouts, after school programs, etc. It's free and there are tips on how to be a person that saves a child from the long tail of pain that bullying causes.

As I finish this post, the movie has premiered. Let me know what you think and how I can help you make a difference.

Sometimes it just takes One.