Bullying Lesson: PR Professional/Dad Stepping Up To Help Another "Average" Dad in Crisis

You’ve seen the story of James Jones and the infamous tirade on the Orlando school bus. Here’s another -- and inspiring -- part of the story.

There are three lessons to learn from this episode:

1.) Never flip out on a school bus. You might embarrass your child. You might embarrass yourself. You might end up in jail.

2.) If you do make a mistake, sincerely apologize.

3.) Never forget that there are good people in the world who, whether they’re asked to or not, step up.

It’s the third lesson that hasn’t been covered.

In the case of Mr. Jones, he found a friend in an Orlando public relations professional who was minding his own business until he saw the story first break on the local news.

As a father himself, Ryan Julison had to step in. He knows all too well the power of the media and wanted to volunteer his time to help Mr. Jones both protect his reputation and turn this potentially damaging situation around to help others in a similar position.

Most people don’t understand how time consuming it is to help someone through a crisis, especially when it involves the media. In this case, the crisis was caused by bullies on a bus who wouldn’t let James' daughter and a friend alone. Ryan knew that if Mr. Jones didn’t have the opportunity to use this as a teachable moment for the nation, than the young bullies won and a basically good father could be destroyed.

So Ryan stepped up and offered to help the Jones family and fortunately, James Jones has been able to speak on behalf of so many frustrated parents. Bullying is heart-wrenching and can push a parent to the brink. It inspires rage and often clouds our judgment.

It’s almost gratifying to see that Mr. Jones instantaneously had thousands of supportive fans on Facebook. It seems that an overwhelming number of people identify with his need to protect his child. With Ryan’s help, James is also helping the Pacer Center, a leading organization in bullying prevention and organizers of this month’s Bullying Prevention Awareness Month.

Thanks in part to Ryan, there is more dialogue and more empathy towards those parents up against a system that doesn’t listen to what kids are going through, whether it’s on a school bus, in a schoolyard or online.

Ryan Julison didn’t have to step up. He could have gone about his business and not donated his time in a bad economy. But he did. He’s by no means an expert in bullying prevention but simply a PR professional who doesn’t need a psychology degree to know the power of compassion.

When asked if he would do it all again, Ryan answered:

Without question, I would do it all over again. I feel I am the one who has truly benefitted from my relationship with the Jones family. I've seen the true love and admiration of a family leading a modest life filled with challenges. We could all learn something from them, not just about bullying, but life.

It Takes an Online Village to Raise Today's Kids

Sue Scheff, founder of P.U.R.E. (Parent Universal Resource Experts, Inc.) gets a Tangled Ball Award for sharing great parenting information, including a wide range of information on bullying, cyberbullying and teen suicide on her help your teens site and through social media outlets, including her blog. As an author, advocate and particularly, a parent, she is inclusive and works tirelessly to share good information and tools from a variety of sources to as many people as she can reach.

When asked the following questions, she answered:

Why do you think bullying (or peer abuse) is worthy of our time and attention?

The is only one answer for this - children today are our future for tomorrow, we need to raise them to be tolerant of others, considerate to those they may not agree with, kind to people they may not care for and respect people that have a difference of opinions. Life is full of differences and uniqueness, that is what makes our world so wonderful. If children are taught to be bullies or are being bullied, they are being broken down. Whether your child is the bully or the victim, it is imperative that children learn that being mean is not productive and leaves lasting emotional scars that can damage their future. Both the bully and the victim will end up being scarred. It is not healthy and not beneficial to anyone. Teaching our children tolerance is the greatest gift we can give them as well as a necessary one. In answering your question, it is absolutely worthy of both our time and attention.

Are schools solely responsible for bullying prevention?

Absolutely not! As a Parent Advocate, I firmly believe that education is the key to prevention and education can and should start at home. From the time the child is a toddler, positive reinforcement should be part of their parenting skills. Teaching your children while they are young that sharing, being nice and kind, caring about others, teaching empathy and being an example to your children should be your first priority. As a parent, you should take the time to learn as much as you can about bullying and cyberbullying prevention. Visit resourceful websites that offer tips for parents, print out literature and learn as much as you can about bullying prevention - both online and off. Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier children. Schools and educators also play a role in enforcing bullying prevention, but I believe it starts with the parents and ends with the parents. I do believe some schools should be more proactive by encouraging Anti-Bullying Clubs/Groups and employing (volunteers) experts to help them facilitate these programs. Getting the parents involved has a stronger impact on both the students and the teachers. Preventing bullying is everyone's responsibility. There are strength in numbers, and when everyone is on the same page, we have a better chance of having safer schools, neighborhoods and communities.

Thanks, Sue, for taking an active part in the "online village."

Snohomish Panthers and Lake Stevens Vikings

Today's experts are two coaches that know the power of high school sports. The coaches and players that made sure this 16 year-old boy with special needs had his big moment must sleep well at night. They delivered an unforgettable experience to Ike, his family and the folks in the stands. I'm sure they never expected to be sharing that lesson of compassion with over 2 million You Tube viewers.

Without question, kids with disabilities have a harder time in school and are bullied much more than other kids. So thanks Snohomish and Lake Stevens High Schools in Washington State for making kids who give kids with disabilities a hard time look like losers.

Obviously, the whole bunch of you are winners. Go Panthers! Go Vikings!

National School Climate Center and Bully Bust Deserve Tangled Ball Award

Here's an organization that's doing the important work of drilling down to the meat of the problem. Formerly the Center for Social and Emotional Education, it has recently been renamed to National School Climate Center. It was established to research, assess and train educators on the critical elements that create better "school climates." In other words, more nurturing schools...because the safer kids feel, the better their performance.

Last year they created Bully Bust and last month launched a brand new site with incredible and FREE tools for schools and home. (Yes, I said FREE and they're fantastic.) So basically, there's no excuse not to use these resources.

Besides being really smart, they're creative, too. Check out their promotion with the Broadway show, Wicked. Wickedly brilliant!

Although the Center's focus is on educators, President and Co-Founder Jonathon Cohen was recently asked:

How can parents help improve school climate?

Parents and guardians play an essential and critical part in school climate reform. When in doubt, children listen to their parents and not educators. And, there is a growing body of educational research that underscores the importance of parents and educators learning and working together. Parent leaders need to work with school and ideally, student leaders to periodically consider the following kinds of essential questions:

• what kind of school do we really want ours to be? And, how are current policies or rules as well as instructional and school improvement efforts aligned with our vision?

• how can the adults work together in a ‘non-blaming’ and collaborative problem solving spirit?

• How can parents and teachers – together – develop plans that will be support their child and all children to be able to learn and develop in healthy ways.

It truly does take the whole village to raise healthy children. And, the “whole village” begins with parents and educators learning and working together to make their school a safe, supportive, engaging, helpfully challenging and as much as possible, fun place to be.

So here's to the smart folks at the National School Climate Center. Thanks for using your time and talents to help create schools where kids want to spend their time.

P.S. 22 Is a Reminder that Childhood Should Be About Joy

What does listening to kids sing have to do with October's Bullying Prevention Awareness Month? Everything.

Every child should be concentrating on their talents and sharing their childhood joy.

It's when they're not allowed to feel free and express themselves that we should start worrying.

Here's a 3 minute reminder of what childhood really looks like.

Enjoy!

The Bully Project

Some are Waiting for Superman. I'm waiting for The Bully Project.

Award-winning filmmaker Lee Hirsch's The Bully Project is a labor of love and promises to expose the true nature of bullying. Lee, and co-producer Cynthia Lowen, had unprecedented full access to the schools in Sioux City, Iowa and have travelled the country following stories and talking to the families of kids pushed beyond the brink.

A documentary goes a long way in making people pay attention. To fix it, you have to see it and feel it. Having been bullied himself as a child, Lee is determined to make a film that accurately portrays the pain it causes. The film will be accompanied by a thorough outreach campaign to maximize it's impact and to offer solutions to this insidious problem.

What's really admirable is that Lee and Cynthia set off on this journey before this rash of recent bullycide incidents happened and before the media started to pay attention. Their commitment has never wavered. The Bully Project is down the home stretch but like any good film, it needs financial support to hit it home. And boy do we need it now.

Want to donate? You won't be sorry. Go to IndieGoGo. It's really easy.

Even though they've been in the editing room 24/7, they were kind enough to answer the following questions:

After travelling and filming so many kids, what do you find is the most discouraging part of this problem?

I think the hardest thing about bullying is the scope of the problem. This is violence that crosses gender, racial, socio-economic boundaries, it is something that is found in every school in every community in the United States. After filming with four families who lost their children to suicide over the 2009/2010 school year, and in the wake of three more suicides just this past month, I don't think there could be a greater sense of urgency that this is something we have to start working to find solutions to. I think something else that is difficult about bullying is that when things get out of hand, it is often the failure of good people, who are trying their best, who don't necessarily have the tools they need to effectively deal with bullying, or who don't have the capacity to deal with the issue until there is a crisis, as has been the case with some of the communities who have tragically lost children to suicide. What we are in part trying to do with this film, is to give kids and adults the opportunity to talk about bullying and find solutions out of something other than crisis to positively effect change and implement great school climates.

What's the most encouraging?

One of the most encouraging things we saw over the course of this school year is the difference one person can make in the life of a bullied child, and that kids who are empowered to intervene in bullying situations have a huge capacity to make the conflict stop. While the scope of the bullying problem might seem huge, a big part of the solution is creating school climates and a broader sense in our culture, that it is not okay to stand by and watch someone be bullied, and that every child and adult has the power to effectively intervene and prevent it from taking place.

Agreed. And one film can make a HUGE difference. We need The Bully Project. It will save young lives and spare families.

Head's Up: Lee will be interviewed tomorrow morning (Monday, Oct.4th) on CNN's American Morning (show airs from 6-9am). Check it out.

Who's tomorrow's Tangled Ball Award winner?
Hint: School climate is where it's at...and this group is getting us there. They're "upstanders!"

John Halligan: Telling Ryan's Story to Save Kids from Bullying

John Halligan knows all too well what the parents of Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh and Phoebe Princes are going through now. And astoundingly that's just to name a few of the children that have recently taken their own lives after being bullied off and online. John was there almost seven years ago to the day when his 13 year-old son, Ryan, took his own life for the same tragic reasons.

That type of pain is incomprehensible. It is an understatement to say that John didn't want to become a bullying prevention expert. He had a great job at IBM and three wonderful kids. The harshness of other children's behavior helped take that away from him. But instead of retreating and becoming bitter, this dedicated father has travelled to hundreds, perhaps thousands, of middle and high schools around the country telling kids, teachers and parents Ryan's story.

John is an advocate for better legislation, awareness and compassion. When asked the following question a while back, this was John's hopeful message:

After travelling the country and speaking to thousands of kids, what reaction to Ryan's story are you most amazed or surprised by?

The responses are always overwhelming. I'm always so touched by seeing eyes well up with tears as I speak and look around the auditorium. And when I pause between sentences, the silence tells me they are truly taking this in. When it is over, I'm so heart warmed by students who come up and give me a hug. And what really surprises me is to receive e-mails months and years later from students who heard Ryan's story. Most tell me that Ryan's story changed their life for the better. Many confessed they were the bully and have since apologized to their victims and changed their behavior for the better. Understanding now how truly loved they are by family and friends, many students confide in me that they gained the courage and strength to get help for a friend or for themselves for suicidal feelings. This is why I keep telling Ryan's story.

John is obviously hitting a chord with kids. The letters to John say it best and as parents, we can learn from them:

I'm really sorry for what happened in my lifetime. I'm really sorry for what happened to your son and if I ever have any children, I'll use your advice because you really did know how to take care of children and always tried your best.

In honor of Ryan and the other important lives lost, start talking, start listening, start stepping in. Don't tolerate your children being mean off or online. Don't accept it from anyone else.

Who's tomorrow's Tangled Ball Award winner?
Hint: Some people are "Waiting for Superman," but I'm waiting for this...