More on How Young is Too Young On Facebook: Michelle Obama Weighs In

Why Is 10, 11 or 12 too young to be on Facebook?

Isn't it obvious? It's not about giving our kids permission to do something that all of their "friends" are doing, it's giving them permission to do something that may be hurtful. I'll agree, that some kids may never experience a problem but you wouldn't give them a glass of beer and say, "Well there's a good chance they'll never be alcoholics." I know this sounds extreme but it's really not.

The one statistic that blows my mind is that 84% of kids that are bullied online don't tell an adult. That means that unless you supervise like a hawk (and not many parents have the time for that), you may not know it when something has been said to hurt them...or if they've said something that might hurt another. The damage is done in seconds. Kids have a hard enough time in middle school navigating the ever changing landscape of friendship. It is sophisticated stuff to do this online.

Do such young kids need it? No. And if your answer is yes because a.) everyone in their class has it and he/she feels left out than I have a suggestion. It might be a good idea to talk to the other parents and decide together that at least some of you won't let them. Of if b.) my child is shy and has a hard time making friends and this makes it easier for them, I understand because shyness is painful -- but this may not be the solution. The old-fashioned way of helping them make one or two friends outside of school might be a safer, more long-lasting way to go.

What's the risk? Check out Ryan Halligan's story...or Phoebe Prince...or the many other tragic suicides of kids who were being hurt online and couldn't take it anymore.

In all honesty, I think 13 is too young, too. And something I really don't understand is why as parents do we give ourselves one more thing to worry about? My youngest son didn't go on Facebook until he was almost 17. It was his decision. He's a social guy and has a lot of friends but for some reason he didn't want it. It got to the point that he felt like he was missing out on knowing about events, parties, things going on in general so he now has an account. He's happy with it and it's added something to his life. I'm not anti-Facebook but I'm very grateful for the many nights of peaceful sleep I got because I wasn't worried about his online life. I know I'm lucky because he wasn't badgering me for it but I know what that's like, too. I have four kids and know how hard it is to say no.

Not that it counts for much, but if you do say no, you have a fan in me. I would be happy to hear from you and if I had the money, I'd throw you a parade or send you to DisneyWorld. At least there, you could let your kids just be kids.

Schools, Parents, Internet Safety and the New Year

Internet Safety! Horrors! Where do we begin?

Recently, I noticed a few basic disconnects when it comes to elementary school-aged children and teaching Internet Safety basics. There's an information gap between school and home. Most schools now have a computer class. The computer teachers I spoke with talk about Internet Safety in class. But where is there a need to actually practice Internet Safety? In the home, of course. Who is the teacher in the home? The parent, of course.

Many parents are tech savvy but many more are not and it's created a generation gap of sorts. It may close as younger parents come up the ranks but in the meantime, it's a dangerous gap. Although it's a big scary subject, it can be manageable with the right tools and good basic information, especially if parents and schools communicate.

In preparation for a parent workshop, I came across this "one-stop shopping" resource: Net Cetera. Their downloadable tools are awesome and I also ordered the booklet for several schools to share with parents at workshops and to send home to parents who couldn't attend. It's not People Magazine but it's an easy read. It's free and I've been able to order 500 at a time.

Parenting is so crammed with things we should do: immunizations, reading, test scores, sports, hygiene, cleaning, play dates, haircuts, feeding, clothes buying, washing and folding. (Who am I kidding? The folding doesn't actually get done in my house but you get the drift.) Sometimes it's too much in a day to do but unfortunately, just like teaching our kids "stranger danger," Internet Safety is on the "must do" list.

I've done a little work for you. Here's a sample letter that can be sent home from school with the Net Cetera booklet and bookmark. It can be signed by the principal, assistant principal, computer teacher or PTA President. It's a start to closing the gap in a simple, effective way.

Dear Parent,

A brand new year is a good time to set priorities and to focus on all the good things we want to achieve for our children and ourselves.

In that spirit, we are sending home this booklet from Net Cetera, which is full of information and tips regarding online safety.
As your children get older, their dependence on technology for help with schoolwork and connecting with friends becomes stronger. In most cases, the Internet is a fantastic resource.

Realistically, though, we can’t be 100% comfortable with all it has to offer. For example, statistically, one out of four children are bullied online. There’s also the issue of “digital literacy,” predators and privacy issues. In other words, you can’t believe everything you read – or trust everyone you meet -- on the Internet. Our children will be safer and happier if we take the time to be informed. Simple tips, such as where you place the computer or rules on cell phone usage, will help protect them and help you sleep better at night, too.

Students at (name of school) learn about Internet Safety issues in computer class. Since the majority of their computer and cell phone time is outside of the classroom, we want to ensure you have the proper information to reinforce these lessons at home.

We hope you find this booklet helpful. It doesn’t take long to read but it may save you hours of worry.

Sincerely,


(Principal, Parent Coordinator, PTA President, or Computer Teacher)


It's amazing what can come from one little letter bridging the most important teachers in a child's technology driven life.

Jessica Alba Gives Hope to Kids Who are Bullied

According to an interview for The Ticket, an entertainment blog, Jessica Alba was bullied badly as a child.

If the bullies were trying to destroy her confidence, they obviously didn't succeed. The kids giving her a hard time are probably mortified now (if not, they should be!).

Two things struck me about her story. One is that her Dad, a former military man, walked her into school every day. Way to go, Dad. And two, it was before cyber bullying became a huge issue so I'm assuming she at least had some escape at home.

In our country where we glorify physical beauty, it's hard to believe that everyone, even those with good looks, can be a target. Even though Jessica Alba was beautiful, she was bullied. Phoebe Prince was also very pretty and she was bullied. But poor Phoebe didn't have an escape. Cyber bullying made that impossible.

The moral of this story is that noone is immune to peer abuse. As parents, the more we're aware, the better the outcome. As far as cyber bullying is concerned, ask kids...and ask them often ...if things are going ok, even online. One of the biggest problems is that the vast majority of kids don't tell their parents when something goes wrong. So I guess we have to ask and ask and ask. (And if someone is mistreating them online or through texting, don't pull the plug out of the computer or take their phones away. That's why they don't tell us in the first place. Work with them on a solution. Here's a link to Common Sense Media if you need some solid advice.)

Jessica Alba had the last laugh. Here's her advice:

"Anyone out there who gets bullied should realize that they can take control and succeed."

I agree. Have fun leaving the bullies in the dust.

Please Re-Gift

For any parent who had the joy of seeing their angelic children opening up the coveted cell phones, computers, and XBoxes this holiday season, there's another gift that goes with it. One that the whole family can enjoy. Some Common Sense.

As parents, we all know that this new age of technology brings great things, such as talking with friends, downloading music, movies, tv shows, help with homework, texting and "apps" galore. Kids who receive their first cell phone have that glorious feeling of empowerment and independence.

Independence is so great. It's comparable to the thrilling feeling of getting that first bike. And I bet when you purchased the bike, you also bought the helmet.

So consider this tip a gift to you and your little munchkins. It's information on how to keep your kids safe online. It's incredibly worth reading because you'll sleep better at night. To raise good digital citizens we have to become good digital parents.
Common Sense is a great tool to help with some of the gray areas of parenting when it comes to technology and safety.

Go ahead and read it. It doesn't take long. No longer than getting on the knee and elbow guards and snapping on the helmet and running down the street holding the back of the bike and yelling, "Pedal, Pedal, Pedal!".