Reading, Pajamas and the Little Leaders Among Us

I met the most extraordinary boy yesterday through the Pajama Program.  (Please click the link if you want to find out about the coolest organization doing something simply spectacular...inspiring reading and providing warm pajamas to under served kids.)

Shane, age 8, and I were reading the book Frieda B.  It's a whimsical book about imagination and dreams. It led to a conversation about what we want in our lives.  He said his dream was to become a billionaire.  When I asked why, I expected answers like "getting a big house" or "buying every video game."  His answer shocked me.

Shane:  "I want to give it away."
Me:  "Who would you give it to?"
Shane:  "People with cancer who can't buy things on their own."

I was humbled...for the second time that morning.

Before the kids arrived, the volunteers were talking about helping kids.  One wise man, Steve, who worked as a volunteer in the inner city Newark (NJ) school system for years talked about cutting through the rough exterior of kids who struggle during their growing up years.  His approach was to find common ground and build trust.  Common ground can be hard to find when there's an age, ethnic, and demographic difference.  He did it by bringing in photos of his dogs.

Trust is like love. Both parties have to feel it before it really exists. -- Simon Sinek

He said that it doesn't matter how old the kids are.  His advice is to never lose faith.   Sometimes middle and high school kids act tough but there's still a child underneath all the layers.

I have to add to that.  I think there's also a leader under all those layers.  Sometimes we just need the chance to have the conversation.

Thanks Pajama Program, sponsored by Scholastic and Carter's,  for providing the platform and the common ground called books to be inspired by the little leaders among us.

Teaching Our Kids How to MEDABO

Last week I handed out three MEDABO cards in very unlikely places.  Two were on the 15X express bus from Staten Island to Manhattan and the other one was on the #4 subway.

MEDABO is a family charity.  My father used to tell the kids to go out and make every day a better one and so my daughter, Alice-Kate, and her cousins decided to make it official by creating these cards.  It's mission is simple.  Recognize acts of kindness and pay it forward.

Three Cards: Three Unexpected Parenting Lessons

The Sunny Bus Driver

The first card was given to the bus driver on Tuesday.  She was incredibly kind to every single person who boarded the bus.  Not easy to do when you're a driver in New York City.  She connected with each person and sincerely asked how they were.  When one regular customer was getting on she showed true concern for his obviously failing health.  It made my heart melt.  

Teachable Moment

The next time I saw the driver, she told me that she had given it to her  son for doing something good and she asked him to pass it along to someone else who was making a difference.

The Kind Passenger

On the following Friday, I boarded the bus but when I went to pay, I realized that the Metrocard that was in my wallet was expired.  I had left the one with $20 on it on my kitchen counter.  When I asked a woman who looked approachable if I could pay her in exchange for using her Metrocard, I had another jolting thought.  I only had $3 on me.  The fare is $6.  She didn't even blink.  She just stood up and paid my fare.

Teachable Moment

We started talking about Tangled Ball and early bullying prevention.  She has twin 3 year olds but she pointed out something really key to me.  Her son had recently used the "hate" word at pre-school.   He was quickly corrected but it left her wondering how he even knew the word?  (She laughingly said that it could have been a lot of other choice words if he was mimicking her but that she actually never used the word "hate.")

It reminded me that kids are sponges.  They'll pick up words and actions that their peers use.  So even if you don't do some things at home, once they go to school, they're learning more than their colors.  

Early course correction is a good idea.

The Wise Upstander

You run into a lot of crazy stuff on the subway.  On Friday, there were a mother/daughter duo having an argument to beat all arguments.  It got really heated and everyone on the train was uncomfortable. There was a sigh of relief when they got off but one gentleman didn't just leave the crazy vibes in the air.  

Teachable Moment

He said out loud,. "That's a shame.  People just don't say I'm sorry anymore"  He continued, "I'm sorry" works.  As a matter of fact, I said it to my 6 year-old daughter last night.  She was upset that I came home late and I looked her in the eye and said, 'I'm sorry.' And she was satisfied."

His parting words of wisdom:  "People are too defensive.  Saying I'm sorry is really important."

I couldn't agree more.

Who is Making Every Day a Better One in your life?  

Lessons from Caine's Arcade

Please watch the whole thing. It will not disappoint.

One of the books I recommend for early bullying prevention is Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud. (You can also download great materials for kids ages 4-9. But to be honest, older kids really get this story, too, so have older kids mentor younger ones using this -- you'll be amazed at how it works.)

The lessons are simple but ageless: either you're a person who dips into someone's bucket and takes something away from them emotionally by being mean or you fill a person's bucket with kindness.

The is one of the most beautiful bucket filling stories I've ever seen. Please share it because everyone needs a little bucket filling.

Hope this starts out your Monday with a smile. (And Nirvan, you are so cool. Sometimes it just takes ONE.)

After the Bully Movie

Bully premieres in New York and LA today. (Actually in about 20 min. in NYC.)

I worked with Lee Hirsch (director) and Cynthia Lowen (producer) during the development phase. Actually, it was just the three of us at the time. (My background is television publicity but ever since Columbine, I have had a passionate interest in this issue...because it's not really an "issue," its an irrational crushing of young hearts.)

Now that the film is out, my thoughts go to "what happens next?"

When you see it (and if you're on this blog, there's a good chance you will), you'll be shocked, saddened and I hope inspired to do something.

For those of you reading this and already working in the field -- Thank You. I know it's been hard to be heard. I know it's been hard to raise money and get your message out there and your tools in the right hands. Regardless of discussions on ratings, I know the movie will help the world pay attention so that resources will become more available. You deserve support.

But what do you do as an individual when you walk out of the theater? You'll almost hope that you're in a position to help a child feel less isolated and hurt.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON is in a position to help.

Here are just three of the ways we can all jump in (and more to come):

• Realize that the movie camera has the advantage of doing closeups and gives us a clear picture of the pain in a child's eyes and confusion on their face. Be the camera. If you feel a child may be having a hard time, don't wait for them to tell you (because most don't). Let them know you actually "see" them, ask questions and then listen without judgment and without overreacting. Strategize together.

Bullying Stops In Ten Seconds When Someone Steps In. Be the Upstander.

• If your child is of school age, consider helping the school raise money for training. Every adult in a school building should be trained but they often don't have the funds. No one ever talks about the money. We can't blame schools until we've helped them get help.

• Care about other people's kids. There are a few ways to do this. If you have children, make sure they're not being the bully -- offline or online. (Kids will be kids...but that's what teachable moments are all about.) Step up when you see another child being mistreated or talk to your own children about how to step up in a way that's comfortable for them. Compliment them when they do.

And finally, Be the One Go-To Adult. If you are interested in early prevention, download the certificate and letter to use at school, girl scouts, boy scouts, after school programs, etc. It's free and there are tips on how to be a person that saves a child from the long tail of pain that bullying causes.

As I finish this post, the movie has premiered. Let me know what you think and how I can help you make a difference.

Sometimes it just takes One.