Lessons from Caine's Arcade

Please watch the whole thing. It will not disappoint.

One of the books I recommend for early bullying prevention is Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud. (You can also download great materials for kids ages 4-9. But to be honest, older kids really get this story, too, so have older kids mentor younger ones using this -- you'll be amazed at how it works.)

The lessons are simple but ageless: either you're a person who dips into someone's bucket and takes something away from them emotionally by being mean or you fill a person's bucket with kindness.

The is one of the most beautiful bucket filling stories I've ever seen. Please share it because everyone needs a little bucket filling.

Hope this starts out your Monday with a smile. (And Nirvan, you are so cool. Sometimes it just takes ONE.)

Another Kind of March Madness

March Madness is a great time of year for me. This past weekend, there was one upset after another. My favorite team, though, survived. The U of Wisc. Badgers are still in it. (Sorry Vanderbilt fans...and stay tuned on Thursday!)

But every time I look at the news about bullying this month, I feel like it's another type of March Madness.

On any given day there are a dozen tragic stories about kids reaching out and nearly screaming for help. It's also the month that Bully will premiere in theaters (March 30th) and the "R" rating issue rages on. Cartoon Network also premiered Speak Up, with a special message from Obama. Awareness of the pain that bullying causes is gaining traction. My background is television so I've been an advocate of getting this issue more mainstreamed in the media. And boy is it ever.

So just as in the rest of life, good and bad are happening at the same time and if we're to take advantage of the good exposure it's getting, we all need to take advantage of all the great tools out there. Let's start paying attention when our kids are little. School climates depend on the type of expectations we have for our kids to treat others with kindness.

Movies wake up the country...and it's the parents, teachers, friends...and anyone witnessing meanness that help preserve the lighthearted childhoods that every single kid has a right to experience.

Bullying stops in 10 Seconds when someone steps in to stop it.

There's hope.

Trusted Adults Can Be the Difference Between Life and Bullycide

A new study was released regarding bullying of gay and lesbian kids and suicide. Once again, it was good to have a study to back up what we already know. Perhaps this way, people will start really paying attention to solutions.

What I want to discuss here is something that I think is key -- and perhaps hopeful -- in this tangled mess. It's the power of support from a trusted adult. From the report:

However, those who had social support -- "support from family and peers, meaning that the young person would say they have someone to go to when they have a tough time, someone is looking out for them" -- were less likely to be suicidal, Mustanski added.

Trust needs to be built over time. All kids need to learn how to communicate and share what's on their minds from an early age.

This is one of those tangled strings we can untangle if we just take the time to think about it. Raising awareness in kids and parents from Pre-K will help them in middle and high school with communication and trust. This is not to say that they won't go through the surly pre-teen and teen years but it will be easier to understand the concept of going to someone when they need help.

In middle and high school, it's even more important for adults to ignore annoying behavior and step in to ask if a child is ok. Ask and then listen. Advice may not be as important as sympathy.

Even as adults, when we suffer in silence, bad things happen. Our judgement is clouded. Our emotions run high and we go to a darker place. When someone else seems to care, it's like magic. The load gets lighter, the spirits get lifted and the power returns.

Kathryn Otoshi, the author of One, and I have talked about this gap. It's the gap of the trusted adult. If the advice we're giving to kids is to "go tell a trusted adult," and they don't have one in their lives, where does that leave them? Worse off than they were before.

(We came up with the Be the One Go-To Adult certificate and letter for elementary schools. They're free and downloadable.)

Any other ideas out there on how to inspire parents, teachers, coaches, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends to be that Go-To Adult? Would love to hear about them and share the ideas, tools, books, etc. on this site.

Thanks -- and now go listen to a kid today! You never know what's going on inside and you might be their lifeline today.

A Question Bullied Kids May Be Asking: Is Love Alive?

Is love alive? For kids who are made to feel worthless by peers, siblings or sadly from some adults in their lives, they may not think so.

This message is simple. We all have what it takes -- two ears, a heart and the opportunity -- to help kids feel like love is alive.

Kids most often suffer from bullying in silence. They cannot know what they cannot see or feel. If they don't have someone in their lives who "sees" them or has the guts to listen to them and feel their pain, then love is not alive for them.

Can we step up and Be the One Go-To Adult? For tips, go to Tangled Ball...but if a little reminder is all it takes, listen to Winter Song again by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson.

"My voice will be a beacon in the night." -- Winter Song