"Bully" and the R Rating. What do you think?

The MPAA denied Bully, the new documentary by Lee Hirsch, a PG-13 rating. Katy Butler, a high school student in Ann Arbor, Michigan is responsible for gathering over 200,000 signatures on a petition to the MPAA to ask them to reconsider. The R rating was given due to language.

Seems that everyone is talking about it (including Ellen DeGeneres) but I'd like to hear from parents and teachers of middle and high school students what you think.

Accepting Others is the Anti-Bully

Single Dad Laughing blogger Dan Pearce wrote a piece about acceptance titled "Im Christian, Unless You're Gay." It's not really about religion or homosexuality, it's about acceptance, in general. It's a powerful blog with powerful messages, which is why I wanted to share his follow up vlog.

My immediate takeaway? Make someone's holiday this year and just accept them whether or not they're "like you." That's all. Accept them. Give them eye contact. Engage them in conversation. Have a laugh. Treat them like equals because, of course, they are.

If you have kids, it will be the best Hanukkah, Christmas or Kwanzaa gift you can give. Kids become bullies when they get in the habit of judging others. They either hear us doing it or they're not stopped when they try it on their own or they copy their peers to fit in.

There's no time like the holidays to change how we treat others...and to show our kids the power of simple love.

And after you've done something you're proud of, take a page from Ellen DeGeneres or Single Dad Laughing, Dan Pearce...and Just Dance...

Taking Action in Bullying Prevention

More people are getting involved in the bullying issue. Thanks to Ellen DeGeneres, even celebrities are stepping up to tell us how they really feel about the whole culture of mean. Listen. Whatever works. Bullying is such a messed up and difficult problem to tackle that I personally applaud anyone who tries to untangle one string at a time.

It's always compelling to see "stars" speak from the heart and it's really helpful for awareness. Go Ellen, Madonna, Jaden, Greyson, Tracy Morgan...

It's even better if we're prepared for solutions. Multiple solutions.

The National School Climate Center provides free bully prevention resources, classroom activities, and supports to schools and students-in-need through their national BullyBust campaign. I asked the center's co-founder, Dr. Jonathon Cohen, the following question:

Is it possible to actually improve school climate?

Yes! Educators, parents and students can learn and work together in ways that actually make schools significantly safer, more supportive, engaging and helpfully challenging. And, when they do so, academic achieving increases, student dropout rates and teacher retention rates increases. However, improving school climate is – necessarily – a multi-year effort that needs to be a central goal for the whole school community.

As we have recently detailed in ‘School climate reform: Mobilizing and supporting the whole village to support student learning and positive youth development (Cohen, J.[2010] in Principal Leadership, September) there are five important lessons that we have learned that support effective and sustained school climate improvement efforts:

Lesson #1: Principal as leader: School climate improvement efforts need to be fully supported and led by the principal.

Lesson #2: How to measure school climate? School climate data provides the “anchor” as well as direction for school climate improvement efforts and the actualization of the school climate standards. It is important that school use a school climate survey, like the Comprehensive School Climate Inventory (http://www.schoolclimate.org/programs/csci.php) that is valid and reliable; recognize student, parent/guardians and school personnel “voice”; and assess all of the major areas of school climate (safety, relationships, teaching and learning and the environment).

Lesson #3: On the value of school climate improvement road maps: The vast majority of principals recognize that school climate matters. However, we discovered that many principals are not sure how to best support effective school climate improvement efforts that build on past successes and challenges. School climate improvement ‘road maps’ that included specific tasks and challenges that shape each of the five stages of the school climate improvement process provide an essential foundation for change.

Lesson #4: Creating school policies that support safe, engaging, healthy and helpfully challenging schools: Educational research should shape policy, which in turn dictates practice. When schools adopt or adapt the National School Climate Standards (www.schoolclimate.org/climate/standards.php) they are setting a social, emotional and civic as well as intellectual or ‘academic’ bar that schools must strive for.

Lesson #5: Educational practice that support the whole child: School leaders face an almost impossible task. It is an admirable – and essential – goal that no child be left behind. But to insure this we must understand and address a myriad of needs and barriers to learning.

Pass this info on to your schools and check out their resources. Now that we know better, we can do better.

10 Seconds in Bullying Prevention: Gossip

Recently, Madonna was on the Ellen Show and challenged adults to not gossip for a day.

This brings me to Scenario 5 in Tangled Ball's 10 Seconds in Bullying Prevention Series.

You're in the grocery store after school. You have 45 minutes to buy dinner and get the kids home. They're due at piano lessons in an hour and they need to squeeze in their 15 minutes at the keys so you can tell the teacher they "practiced." You're pretty sure the teacher means an hour a night and every week when you leave, you vow that this will be the week when they actually do that.

Thinking on the fly about a menu, you dash up and down the aisles coming up with ideas of something fast and hopefully, nutritious. The cell rings. It's one of your best buddies and there is SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

You hate to admit it but you heard some shocking news about so-and-so and it kind of perked up your day. Especially, since this so-and-so was a snob to you last year during one of the school fundraisers. You don't mind taking her down a peg. You would never consider yourself a BIG gossiper but this is too good.

Snap decision. Although you don't have a lot of time, you're dying for a little gossip fix. You pick up the phone. You're about to launch right into it when you're stopped by the reflection in the glass. No. It's not that you need to fix your hair or your outfit is just wrong. You notice the kids!! Standing right by you and within ear shot.

You take a breath, get your head screwed on straight and tell your friend that you can't talk right now. (5 seconds.) You know full well that the next day you're at work so it will probably be a few days until you're able to tell your story. By then, she will have found out and the thrill will be diminished.

But in the remaining few seconds, look at your kids and know you just taught them a lesson and they don't even know it. Since you're in the ice cream section anyway, reach in and get a treat. This time, it's you who deserves a little reward.

Ellen DeGeneres and Anderson Cooper. Ever Heard of Them?

Ellen DeGeneres and Anderson Cooper definitely deserve a Tangled Ball Award. Tangled Ball is all about engaging more people in this dialogue, raising awareness and inspiring folks to actively do what they can to blunt the long tail of pain that bullying causes.

This issue has needed high profile celebrities to step up and Ellen and Anderson have done just that. It's great to have that power to reach so many people. If I could choose a super power, that would be it.

Ellen is encouraging people to donate to three different organizations. All of them are good. Tangled Ball particularly likes Pacer. (More on them in a future post.)

And Ellen and Anderson, if you read this, contact me. The more people we reach, the better off kids will be...and Tangled Ball is ready, willing and able to help.