The Bully Project

The Bully Project Promo from Lee Hirsch on Vimeo.

The goal of The Bully Project is to raise awareness about the devastating affects of peer to peer abuse and then do something about it. It can't be finished soon enough.

One of the challenges of this tangled ball of a mess called bullying is engaging more people in the solution. It's a difficult issue. Parents in general don't get involved until their child has had a bad experience. Although bullying affects millions, when it happens to your child you feel desperately alone.

A good film goes a long way to capture people's attention. With insidious issues like peer to peer abuse, we have to "see it, to feel it, to fix it." Or as Maya Angelou says, "When we know better, we do better."

If you care to donate, IndieGoGo makes it easy.

ONE Day

P.S. 22 hits it out of the park again. This time with Matisyahu's One Day:

sometimes I lay
under the moon
and thank God I'm breathing
then I pray
don't take me soon
cause I am here for a reason
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around
because
all my life I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
for the people to say
that we don't wanna fight no more
they'll be no more wars
and our children will play

"And our children will play." Exactly. If we teach our children to spend time playing and not tolerate them putting each other down, it will be One Day to celebrate.

We can only start one home at a time. As a parent if you have the expectation that your child will be kind to others, it's one more in a classroom that changes the balance from mean spirited to just plain spirited.

It just takes ONE...and then one more...and then one more....

Preparing for the 2010-2011 School Year

My husband would be horrified if he knew I even uttered "preparing for the new school year" in July. He's been out of school for quite a while now but he still goes pale when he sees those "Back to School" signs. Seriously, he almost gets sick.

In some parts of the country, there's plenty of summer left but here's something to ponder as you sit around the pool or go camping or traveling or just hanging out reading a book in a nice cool place:

What can be done to improve my child's school's climate?

(What the heck does "school climate" mean? In a nutshell, it means "is the school friendly, safe, and a nice place to go?")

Schools need parents to help. Article after article about bullying and cyber bullying discuss the responsibility of schools. Schools most definitely have to kick it up a notch when it comes to addressing peer to peer abuse. It can't be effectively done, though, if parents aren't solidly on board.

So much can be done to prevent bullying in the younger grades. It just makes sense to start early and set the expectation of how kids treat others in the classroom, schoolyard and online.

Here are some basics that EVERYONE with young kids going to school can make their responsibility:

• Teach your own children how to relate to others in a kind way.

• Tell them to be nice to the "new kid."

• Compliment them when you catch them treating others, including their siblings, well and tell them that's what leaders do.

• Conversely, if you catch them in the act of bullying others, there should be swift and consistent punishment.

• Be on the lookout for good books, DVDs and other programs that teach tolerance.

• Talk to your school PTA about making those books, DVDs, etc. available in the classroom.

• When you child starts school, don't do anything as a parent that makes other parents and kids feel left out, including handing out invitations when not everyone is included.

• Encourage your child to develop different groups of friends.

• Watch out for other children, not just your own.

• Teach them what being an "upstander" means. It's someone that sticks up for others and upstanders are heroes. For example, if they hear kids call other kids names like "stupid," "fat," "ugly," etc. they should either tell an adult or if they feel brave, tell the bullies to stop.

Bullying will always be an issue but it's making sure that the balance in a school is generally nurturing. It starts with ONE and then spreads.

Jessi Slaughter: So Many Things Wrong With This Picture

This is so disturbing but let's look at it one string at a time:

No. 1: "Jessi" is too young to be on this site.

No. 2: "Jessi" has no judgment about how to communicate online. Again, she's too young (but I have to say that I know some 11 year olds who have better judgment.)

No. 3: What about the parents?

No. 4: Why is she unsupervised? Is the computer in her bedroom? (That's against all common sense for her age.)

No. 5: Why are people so extreme in their anger? Death threats?

No. 6: Not only is Jessi mad at her online tormentors but her Dad's behavior may be scaring her, too. No one's in charge.

Dr. Real is right. Anger fuels anger.

No. 7: Jessi is 11 and this may sound trite, but it's a bit disturbing that she's wearing so much makeup.

Poor Jessi. She's just a kid. Looks like she wasn't encouraged to remember that.

Bottom Line: In case your pre-teen kids are pressuring you to have a Facebook or MySpace page or be on any social networking site that's not for kids, don't let them.

The Emotional Gymnastics of Bullying: Sometimes It Just Takes ONE To Help

Bullies throw you off your game. They make sure they say something to you to bring you down a notch and then couple that with leaving you out of things. Or the best trick: no eye contact! Then repeat, and repeat, and repeat until the soul gets sucked out.

It's hard enough on adults but what about kids who don't have the experience, the skills or network to help them overcome the horrible emotions of self doubt and the exhausting exercise of emotional gymnastics.

Sadly, they're harming themselves.

What can we do?

WE can notice. WE can give eye contact. WE can give praise. WE can give validation. WE can give a smile. WE can give a compliment. WE can ask questions. WE can give protection. WE can care about all children, not just our own. WE can listen. WE can correct the bully.

WE can help them find their soul. Sometimes it just takes ONE adult.

(Tip: Buy the book ONE by Kathryn Otoshi for yourself and any child you know. Simple, Beautiful, Brilliant!)

More About Phoebe Prince

This article in Slate about Phoebe Prince and the events leading up to her suicide is an important read.

It focuses less on bullying and more on the fact that, according to this piece, she was troubled. She was involved in a lot more stuff than what you want a fifteen year-old to be doing, including cutting herself, having sex and smoking pot.

Reporter Emily Bazelon describes a variety of factors leading up to Phoebe's death, including her parents' separation and her heart-wrenching sadness at missing her father who stayed behind in Ireland.

The most disturbing part of this is that she was fifteen. It would be hard to handle all the emotions that come with the grief of separation as well as the guilt of risky behavior at such a young age.

It seems that some of the wheels were falling off for poor Phoebe. Perhaps the harshness of peers helped force one or two of those wheels to come loose. The students charged in her death may or may not be responsible but the cruelty of some of their interactions and their extracurricular activities should make us sit up and take notice.

I'm sure there was no way for them to know how vulnerable she already was, but isn't that the case for all of us? When we're being harsh, we don't actually know if we're talking to a "Phoebe Prince" or not.

If there's a lesson here, it's that we need to work harder to smooth over the edges that kids are developing by their early teens. Keeping the wheels on starts early.

Dear Mr. President, Please Make Susie Stop Calling Me Names

After Ziainey Stokes was being bullied in one school, she moved to another. It didn't help. She was still picked on.

One of the first pieces of expert advice to bullied kids is to "tell an adult." Ziainey was really sick of being harrassed so she did just that. The adult was President Obama.

It was a good choice for a couple of reasons. Who's going to mess with you when at any moment, the motorcade might pull up? Or instead of hearing your name on the loud speaker, you'll hear your name (but not in a good way) during the State of the Union address. Obama has said publicly a few times, including during his first interview after being elected, that "meanness" is one of his pet peeves.

Even though we're not in the White House (unless of course, Michelle O is reading this), we can still be that adult. Is meanness your pet peeve? If so, make some kid's day and step up.