A Tree of Hope In a Sea of Sadness

These are not ordinary times on Staten Island.  For my neighbors in New Dorp, the days are full of feeling overwhelmed.  It's getting colder and confusion and sadness are growing deeper.  You would think, though, that as the holidays approach, the residents would give into despondency.

Uh-Uh.

Yesterday, I went to the sweetest Christmas decorating ceremony I've ever been to, and that includes the year that I was standing next to David Rockefeller as THE tree was being delivered to Rockefeller Center.

First, there was a Mass at Our Lady of Lourdes Church on Cedar Grove Avenue, which now looks like a war zone.  It was the coldest (still no electricity in the building) -- but yet the warmest -- Mass I have ever been to.  Storm or no storm, the church bells were rung at 9:30 am.  Those parishioners sticking it out in their homes all gathered.  We could literally see our breath but no one seemed to mind.

Immediately following, we went to the parking lot where a small plain tree just stood there waiting for about four dozen of us. There was no music and the scene in the background was impossible to describe.  Homes and delis that were there a month ago were gutted, torn apart by the surge of water and kneeling on the ground.  It was cold and dark but spirits lifted when ornaments were taken out of packages and passed around.

Other than a handful of us, most everyone else placing an ornament on the tree will not be able to have Christmas at home. And for some, not be able to celebrate at home ever again.

That didn't stop them from smiling, laughing and loving this little tree.  As we placed gold, red, blue and green balls on the tree and grown men strung the garland,  people forgot for a minute what they were going to do, where they would be and how they would get through that day and the next.

As a joke, two men had strung together an empty six pack and placed it at the bottom of the tree.  Nope. Sandy didn't rob them of their spirit!

It doesn't matter what holiday you're celebrating or what symbol you use to unify, please remember the people gathered around that little tree of hope.

Accepting Others is the Anti-Bully

Single Dad Laughing blogger Dan Pearce wrote a piece about acceptance titled "Im Christian, Unless You're Gay." It's not really about religion or homosexuality, it's about acceptance, in general. It's a powerful blog with powerful messages, which is why I wanted to share his follow up vlog.

My immediate takeaway? Make someone's holiday this year and just accept them whether or not they're "like you." That's all. Accept them. Give them eye contact. Engage them in conversation. Have a laugh. Treat them like equals because, of course, they are.

If you have kids, it will be the best Hanukkah, Christmas or Kwanzaa gift you can give. Kids become bullies when they get in the habit of judging others. They either hear us doing it or they're not stopped when they try it on their own or they copy their peers to fit in.

There's no time like the holidays to change how we treat others...and to show our kids the power of simple love.

And after you've done something you're proud of, take a page from Ellen DeGeneres or Single Dad Laughing, Dan Pearce...and Just Dance...

Kids, Bullying, and the Holidays

This is a challenging holiday season for me and my family. It's been a season of loss. No matter what, loss makes you sad and there's no room for sad during the Christmas season.

When things are going well, the holidays make everything that much brighter. But when that's not the case, the holidays somehow make your lows feel lower.

Then I started thinking about how kids feel when they're being ridiculed or ostracized or physically pushed around. Are the holidays a needed diversion or are they hard? Isolating? Lonely?

When kids are happily buying gifts or making cards for their friends, do bullied children feel worse? When kids are getting together to go to the mall or go ice skating or caroling -- or whatever the traditions are for whatever religion you are -- or whatever region you live in -- do kids on the outside looking in, feel despondent?

I love the holidays but this holiday has made me more aware of kids who don't have the skills yet to understand that it's not their fault.

The point of this post is simply to say that during the holidays, perhaps we could give the gift of awareness, eye contact, interest, time, or just a kind word. Every child deserves the warmth of friendship.

It's too embarrassing for kids to admit that they're not happy during the holidays. Perhaps we can help lift that burden. Even if we can't fix their problem completely, we can remind them that there's still a reason to smile. Can compassion be wrapped? No, thank goodness. It's a gift that doesn't need tape and nice neat corners...but it does need an open heart and maybe a little glue.