P.S. 45 Takes "Respect For All' Seriously All Year Long

Visiting Staten Island's P.S. 45 (John Tyler School) inspired me.  (For those reading this outside of New York City, P.S. stands for Public School.)

Every student in this elementary school participated in an awesome kick-off  assembly honoring Respect for All Week.  The students were led in a special reading of Kathryn Otoshi's book Zero by a group of their peers involved in the SOAR program.  (To facilitate character building,  New York State Senator Andrew Lanza sponsored One Can Count in all the elementary schools in his district.  Multiple copies of One and Zero were provided to each school.)

According to guidance counselor and SOAR mentor Libby McPike,

SOAR stands for Safe Organized Attitude Respect. It's our school wide positive behavior model. Kids follow these expectations and when caught doing well, can be rewarded with eagle dollars (eagle is our school mascot). Then they shop in the SOAR STORE for items anywhere from erasers to DVD players (all run on donations). 

P.S. 45's approach to teaching respect and character education is one more example to me that "leadership is the anti-bully." And sometimes teaching leadership takes a bit of creativity. Ms. Libby and her students have plenty of that to share. Here's just a snippet of the kind of activities that this dedicated professional and the students she mentors have developed to engage the entire school -- staff and students alike -- in the empowering messages of kindness, tolerance and respect. 

Monday: 

Wear Purple: Purple is the color of good judgment. It is said if you surround yourself with purple you will have peace of mind. Purple is a good color to use in meditation. Purple has been used to symbolize magic and mystery, as well as royalty. Being the combination of red and blue, the warmest and coolest colors, purple is believed to be the ideal color. 

Activity: Good Deed CatalogIt goes without saying that it’s important to teach kids to do nice things for one another. During Respect for All Week, keep a running tally of good deeds that students perform. These can include helping clean up, consoling a sad classmate, sharing, helping out a friends, etc. Tell your class that if they reach a certain number of good deeds for the week, they will receive some sort of prize (Ex. Lunch with the teacher, homework pass, Good Deed Certificate, Etc.)

On the day I visited, the gym it was an enthusiastic sea of purple. 

After reading the book, the group of SOAR students (as young as 3rd grade) led the entire school in a question and answer session based on the themes of Zero, including "What does it mean to have a hole in your middle?" and "How did it feel to have the other numbers step up?".

5 Things I Learned at P.S. 45

•    A thoughtful, creative and enthusiastic administration is the foundation for promoting high quality character education.  (A shout out to principal Ms. Chavez and parent coordinator Mrs. Poli who allowed me to be there and so graciously welcomed me to their school.)

•  It's a worthy commitment to create an environment where leadership is part of the culture year round.

•  Helping students develop leadership skills such as public speaking gives children confidence and confidence is the key to resilience.

•  When students are expected to listen to each other and value each person's opinion, they rise to the occasion.  (Note:  Amazing how many students were eager to be a part of the question/answer session.  The students obviously felt safe to share their opinions with a gym full of their peers.)

•  The students had fun.  Teaching children to step up helps children SOAR and it's never boring.

(Speaking of "stepping up," Ms. Libby went the extra step and wore purple shoes!)

Teaching leadership and respect takes a lot of hard work.  Mentoring children is exhausting and never a perfect process.  For those reasons, I am deeply grateful for the fine professionals at P.S. 45 and other schools around the country who hang in there every day and give it 100%.  You deserve a parade.

Thank you.

Getting Creative and Teaching Leadership at P.S. 55

Students are learning that One Can Count at P.S. 55 on Staten Island.

Fifth graders are the experts as they partner with the Kindergartners to reinforce the message, "Everyone Counts."  After reading Kathryn Otoshi's award-winning book, One, the mentors got together with their younger counterparts to lead them in an activity that demonstrates that everyone is unique, beautiful and valuable.  (One is an ageless children's book which beautifully and simply inspires kids -- and adults, too -- to step up for themselves and for others.)

A One Can Count team of teachers and staff came up with the idea of doing something seasonal that expressed the importance of respecting each other's differences.  As the partners created their own snowflakes together, the students had fun getting to know one another as well as crafting something that they could display with pride.

There are so many positive things about P.S. 55's efforts.

Using a Simple Tool

NYS Senator Andrew Lanza provided 30 copies of One and 30 copies of it's companion book, Zero, to each elementary school in his district on Staten Island.  Inspired by the book and the gift, P.S. 55 set out to ensure that each student received their own personal copy of One.

Mentoring

The message of One is for all ages but when you make the older students the teachers, they take ownership of the concepts of kindness, empowerment, and positive action.  There are countless benefits of mentoring but perhaps placing students in a leadership role is the most powerful.  Leadership is the Anti-Bully.

Staff Involvement

When administration, teachers, guidance counselors, parent coordinators and other staff members get together to promote leadership, it's a message to students that they're important.  In essence, it demonstrates leadership and students learn by example.

Enthusiasm

Think about it.  Children learn more when they feel emotionally safe and when they're having fun.  The fact that Kindergartners have a friend in the 5th grade is a big deal.  Add to that, the time spent doing a creative activity brings joy to both.

Compassion

Empathy is easier to teach when students are asked to look out for someone younger.  Compassion helps students become "upstanders," the secret weapon against bullying.  When kids step up for one another in mean situations, the bullying stops in seconds.

Hats off to Principal Sharon Fishman, Guidance Counselor Arlene Donnelly, staff members Juleah Bracker and Julia Lucchese and of course and most importantly, the brilliant students at P.S. 55.  Getting creative and teaching leadership helps create a school climate of cooperation.

In other words, P.S. 55 itself is like a snowflake -- unique and beautiful.

One Can Count Moment

Leadership and Friendship After Sandy: Tory's Kindness

As we think about the good and the bad of 2012, I wanted to share the much needed rays of hope and the stories of leadership that even in the bleakest times, give us reason to keep believing that people are good.

Why does someone who has no obligation to help others and who could easily just write a small check and send it to charity, feel compelled to go the extra mile?  Or better yet, the extra 150 miles, which is what Tory Johnson and her family did as they shuttled back and forth from the comfort of the Upper West Side of Manhattan to the bleakness of post-Sandy Staten Island to help people they had never met.

I was lucky enough to work with Tory years ago and if there's one thing I know about this dynamo is that she gets the most done in the shortest amount of time in the biggest way.  When she got inspired by Jon Bon Jovi's post storm tweet -- "We may not have electricity but we have power" -- she sprung into action.  Tory raised over $100,000 online. She promised to make sure that the money was spent directly to help the immediate needs of hard working families who lost everything in an instant on that scary October 29th.

Most people know Tory for her regular "Steals and Deals" segments on Good Morning, America and WABC.  Others know her as the founder and CEO of Women for Hire and Spark and Hustle or have read one of her books, but there are over 125 families on Staten Island who know her as a friend who stepped in when they needed it the most.

Tory and her husband, Peter, and their twins, did it the hard way.  After the money was raised, they came themselves to meet the families, listen to them, and then purchase what they needed to start the recovery process.  For many, buying a stove meant that they could finally have heat.  Purchasing tools meant that sheet rock could be replaced or a mechanics career could be saved.  Buying bedding finally meant a decent night's sleep.

But perhaps more importantly, asking questions meant someone was listening proving that they really weren't forgotten.

So many things struck me about their kindness.  Tory and her family are successful in their careers and their lives because they work at it.   They gave back to others the same way.  They didn't do it the easy way because they knew that to be a real help, they had to see it for themselves.   They gave it over 100%.

The result?  During the time I was with them as they walked down the aisles of Home Depot and handed out $500 gift cards to shocked but grateful affected families at an elementary school, I heard person after person, inviting Tory and Peter and their kids to come back after they've (hopefully) fully recovered to go to their block party or their holiday dinner next year or a barbecue in their back yard.

They are unexpected friends for life.  Sometimes it just takes one to get you through.

That's leadership.

Sandy Volunteers: Why I Came

Volunteers from Hudson Valley Community College

Troy, New York

How They Came?

After a student tried to get funding to bring a group to Staten Island and it fell through, the Hudson Valley Community College stepped up with the funds.  They were able to hire a bus to make the

 6 hour round trip.  

Why they came?  

"We just couldn't stay away."

Yesterday was a dark, rainy day which makes the destruction on Staten Island look even worse.  Bleak.  Seemingly unsurmountable.

It's the volunteers who just show up that provide the few rays of sunshine.

They come from all over.  A few blocks away, a few hours away, a few states away.

Most of them come in, help, and get out.  Never asking for a thing.  Not even a thank you.

These volunteers are the glue holding our affected neighborhoods together.

It's been six weeks since the storm and they still come.  As time goes on, it's even more important that they show up.  Some families want to give up until someone says two simple words:  "Need Help?"

I'd like to share some of the faces of those rays of hope.

Thank you to all who keep coming while much of the world moves on.

Thank you, Hudson Valley Community College!  Hope you had a warm and satisfying trip back to Troy.

If you have a volunteer you'd like me to highlight, please send along their story of kindness.  You can email me at thetangledball@gmail.com.

A Tree of Hope In a Sea of Sadness

These are not ordinary times on Staten Island.  For my neighbors in New Dorp, the days are full of feeling overwhelmed.  It's getting colder and confusion and sadness are growing deeper.  You would think, though, that as the holidays approach, the residents would give into despondency.

Uh-Uh.

Yesterday, I went to the sweetest Christmas decorating ceremony I've ever been to, and that includes the year that I was standing next to David Rockefeller as THE tree was being delivered to Rockefeller Center.

First, there was a Mass at Our Lady of Lourdes Church on Cedar Grove Avenue, which now looks like a war zone.  It was the coldest (still no electricity in the building) -- but yet the warmest -- Mass I have ever been to.  Storm or no storm, the church bells were rung at 9:30 am.  Those parishioners sticking it out in their homes all gathered.  We could literally see our breath but no one seemed to mind.

Immediately following, we went to the parking lot where a small plain tree just stood there waiting for about four dozen of us. There was no music and the scene in the background was impossible to describe.  Homes and delis that were there a month ago were gutted, torn apart by the surge of water and kneeling on the ground.  It was cold and dark but spirits lifted when ornaments were taken out of packages and passed around.

Other than a handful of us, most everyone else placing an ornament on the tree will not be able to have Christmas at home. And for some, not be able to celebrate at home ever again.

That didn't stop them from smiling, laughing and loving this little tree.  As we placed gold, red, blue and green balls on the tree and grown men strung the garland,  people forgot for a minute what they were going to do, where they would be and how they would get through that day and the next.

As a joke, two men had strung together an empty six pack and placed it at the bottom of the tree.  Nope. Sandy didn't rob them of their spirit!

It doesn't matter what holiday you're celebrating or what symbol you use to unify, please remember the people gathered around that little tree of hope.

Hurricane Sandy Comfort Campaign

If you want to do something to help someone who has been devastated by Sandy, consider donating to Tory Johnson's Hurricane Sandy Comfort Campaign, inspired by Bon Jovi's words, "We may not have electricity, but we have power."

No other words needed...except Happy Thanksgiving.

Artist, Second Ave. Sinatra and Rapper Step Up For Amanda Cummings

They didn't know her. Geoff Rawling, a mural artist, Gary Russo, the 2nd Avenue Sinatra, and Rap artist JoJo Pellegrino came together at a local watering hole in Staten Island to offer their talent to help raise money to help cover the funeral expenses for Amanda Cummings, the 15 year-old who stepped in front of a bus holding a suicide note.

It's believed that bullying played a part in Amanda's decision.

Midland Beach, Staten Island, isn't fancy. It's real...and the reality is that it's a community in shock that one of their own -- and someone so young -- could feel this desperate.

In the midst of this tragedy, it's important to stop and appreciate the people who step up. They don't have to but something in them propels them to lend their talents to help.

They deserve our respect.

Geoff Rawling is an artist specializing in murals. Geoff laments that arts programs are being cut from schools at a time when kids could really benefit from using the arts to express themselves.



JoJo Pellegrino created a rap song, along with NYC Arts Cypher, for Amanda called "Alone." Amanda's mother told me that "Alone" expressed exactly what Amanda was going through. The lyrics ask, "Are we listening?"

Gary Russo believes that making people smile is a privilege and the more you give it away, the more you get back.

So what we wish is that Amanda didn't feel "Alone," and that the beauty that Geoff captured in her mural would have been how she felt inside and Gary's rendition of New York, New York would have made her realize that there is a whole city waiting and willing to embrace her.

Our prayers go out to Amanda and her family. To honor her memory, there are thousands of Amanda's that we can step up for, embrace, understand, mentor and show that they are not alone, they're beautiful and they belong.

Thank you for sharing your talents Geoff, Gary and JoJo and for showing us all that we have something to give.

Amanda Cummings Went to School in My Neighborhood

It's hard to believe that Amanda no longer goes to New Dorp High School. She didn't transfer or graduate early. Carrying a suicide note, she stepped in front of a bus and later died from the injuries.

What will it take for all of us to demand that we address the issue of bullying -- that over the top mean behavior that makes kids want to end it all? For every young child who takes their life, there must be thousands that feel the pain that comes from being taunted, humiliated, made to feel invisible, ostracized, and harassed.

We're not doing enough. This is a tangled mess and every single person has a role they can play to help ease the pain. I'm not saying that we can prevent all bullying. I'm saying that we can ease the pain.

One of the biggest pieces of advice that experts tell kids is to "tell a trusted adult." I have issues with that piece of advice. In many cases, we can't be trusted. It's not that we're not well-meaning, it's that we often handle the conversation in a way that makes kids not want to tell us.

Let's be honest. Most of the time, we either overreact or under react. Most of the time, we don't really understand their world. We don't understand that we can often make it worse by blowing up -- or the opposite, tell them "to just ignore it."

As Aidan McDaniel, a 15 year-old speaker on online safety says, "It's not our problem and your solution. It's all of our problem, and all of our solution."

My vote is that we stop talking to kids and start talking with kids. Ask them. Don't tell them. Sometimes a truly sympathetic ear is much more effective than hours of advice.

In Amanda's words, "'When i say im ok i want that one person t look me in the eye, hug me & say no ur not'

And if we can start engaging them to help each other, maybe we can ease some of that pain...and that's a worthy goal.