Anderson: Bullying Prevention Expert on What Parents Can Do

Recently, the new Anderson show covered the topic of bullying, which featured bullying prevention expert, Dr. Dorothy Espelage. (By the way, Anderson Cooper went on to host a week of shows about bullying and prevention on AC360 a week later and that's why he should get a Be the One Go-To Adult Award.)

I'm sharing it again, here, because Dr. Espelage gives a tremendous amount of solid advice for parents in a very short period of time and it's worth watching and sharing. She talks about the school's responsibility but also how critical it is for the kids to come home to a safe environment -- one in which they can share what's happening without worry that we'll overreact or under react -- and one that can cushion them from some of the negative things they're experiencing. In other words, they need a sympathetic ear and reassurance that they're important and loved.

Tips from the interview include:

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

• Insist on a bully prevention plan or safety plan for your child
• Call parents of bullies or bully group and arrange a meeting, if you can
• Get your child involved in other activities to build confidence
• If you have the means, get your child in therapy


WHAT YOUR CHILD CAN DO:

• Get off of Formspring and other social networks
• Tell, tell, tell! Talk to parents, and your support network
• Keep record of all bully incidents
• Manage your anger
• Reach out to other kids in your school that are being bullied
• Do not let the bullies know that they got to you
• Role-play

When you listen to her interview, she also mentions that the school bullying policy should match what is really happening. In other words, it's not good enough for a school to say they have a policy if kids aren't being stopped from bullying kids with disabilities or the way they look, etc. It's a great point.

Come to think of it, Dr. Espelage should also get a Be the One Go-To Adult Award.

First Tangled Ball Award Ever Goes To...Stan Davis!

Stan Davis deserves an award just for the title of his first book alone: Schools Where Everyone Belongs. Isn't that a beautiful concept? As a resource for schools, this book, co-authored with his daughter Julia, does not disappoint. It's hopeful and compassionate at the same time realistic and thoughtful. It gets to the heart of how kids really feel and not just how adults assume they feel.

Stan is a teacher, therapist, presenter/entertainer, researcher, activist and father. Although soft spoken, his International Bullying Prevention Association (IBPA) workshops are standing room only. His presentation is built on real research, experience in the classroom and a genuine respect for teachers and kids. (And, yes, there really is an international conference where everyone gets together to try and figure this darn thing out!)

His second book, Empowering Bystanders in Bullying Prevention, is awesome, too. Everyone's a bystander in one way or another. If everyone was taught to step in, a lot less kids would feel alone in their pain.

And one more thing to check out: Youth Voice Project. Stan, along with another well-respected researcher, Dr. Charisse Nixon, had the brilliant idea of throwing out preconceived notions of what works and doesn't work in bullying prevention by asking kids themselves -- over 13,000 of them. Brilliant!! Check it out because the results are surprising.

In preparation for this post, Stan was kind enough to answer two questions:

What inspired you to devote your time and talents to bullying prevention?

My time in the Civil Rights movement taught me two things: positive change is possible, and it comes when people work together. If everyone is doing positive things, no one person has to do it all. Gandhi said "Everything you do will seem unimportant. But it is very important that you do it." I just retired from counseling children after 41 years; during that time I learned over and over that small acts of kindness make a big difference, especially when a school is a place where those acts of kindness come from many adults and peers.

What has been the most satisfying aspect of your work?

Seeing the Bean School where I worked for the last 18 years become a place where every student and every adult could count on support. Building a network of colleagues in this work who inspire and teach each other, including Denise Koebcke, school librarian in Indiana who involved a majority of her middle school students in helping others, Wayne Sakamoto, the School safety officer in southern California who gets members of different High School cliques and gangs talking with each other, Dee Lindenberger in Michigan and Michelle MacPherson in New Brunswick, Canada, who empower youth to help each other, Chuck Saufler in Maine who integrates bullying prevention and restorative justice, Stuart Green in New Jersey who organized a powerful statewide coalition for change, Celia Arriaga who has brought bullying prevention interventions to Latin America, and..... The list goes on.

I would also add the work Dr. Charisse Nixon and I are doing in surveying more than 13000 teens to bring their voices into this discussion.

Then I think of the abused child at my school who made all my and our work worthwhile by her summary of how she has become a strong, positive, kind person despite years of abuse and neglect. She said:"I bring the way school is home with me." I feel blessed to have been part of the work educators do in making schools places of healing, safety, and growth for all.

Standing ovations are hard to pull off online but you deserve one, Stan. Although, having met you several times, it's doubtful that you would consider that important.

Who's tomorrow's winner?
Hint: One thing that Stan and tomorrow's featured expert have in common: they're both fathers.

Who's Making A Difference...and Why?

One more day until October's Bullying Prevention Awareness Month...and the beginning of Tangled Ball's month long shout out to people stepping up. On each of the 31 days, Tangled Ball will feature an expert in the field whose work benefits parents, schools and most importantly, kids.

There are great experts out there doing fantastic work. You should know about them.

How were they chosen? Completely and unapologetically subjectively. Through conventions, research and word of mouth, Tangled Ball found professionals in their fields that are proactive, inclusive, smart, realistic and compassionate. Included in the bunch are authors, researchers, Ph.Ds, filmmakers and speakers. The one thing they all have in common is they're brave. Bullying is a Tangled Ball issue. It's not easy to fix but it hasn't stopped these advocates. The more we know, the better the chances that kids will have an easier time of it. These award winners deserve our attention and applause because every child has the right to feel good about themselves.

In addition to these professionals, Tangled Ball will be featuring regular folks who perhaps don't start their name with Dr. but who in their own way and in their own world are stepping up. It could be a teacher, coach, parent, crossing guard, lunch lady, aunt, uncle, grandparent and/or especially a kid! (And hey, I didn't mean to discriminate against doctors, if you know one who deserves it, go ahead and nominate.)

Their name and a brief description of what makes them special will be added to a post every day. In other words, every person you submit will get a shout out during October. It's not the Oscar, but sometimes people need a high five, slap on the back and a big fat Thank You. That's the Tangled Ball Award! These are the people that will inspire others to be upstanders.

Nominations can be sent to thetangledball@gmail.com or you can scroll down and talk about them in the comments box. I'll publish the comment during October. Can't wait to hear from you!