Bullying: Not Good For Grades

Students who are bullied regularly do substantially worse in school, UCLA psychologists report in a special issue of the Journal of Early Adolescence devoted to academic performance and peer relationships.

Who does their best work when they're unhappy? Once again, we shouldn't need a study to validate this fact but happy there is one. Thanks UCLA!

One more reason as parents to step up and step in when it comes to school climate. Just the fact that kids are being mistreated is reason enough...but it's academics, too. Sometimes bullying can set a tone in a classroom and that means that the majority of kids are not working to their potential.

For those that say bullying is part of growing up, I'll grant you that there seems to be a developmental need to get the upper hand. It's not abnormal that kids will try to be the powerful one. What isn't normal is that adults ignore it. It's a teachable moment. Whether you're a teacher, parent, coach or just over 21, it's your job to correct (preferably with kindness but firmness).

It's a question of balance. If more kids feel safe and secure in the classroom, it's a better atmosphere to do the best work. This is not an impossible dream. It's one classroom, home and soccer field at a time. It's teaching every child in the schoolyard or on their cell phones or computers how to be an upstander. Kids don't let other kids bully. It's that simple.

Once that message is sent, as adults we've done our job...and then they can do their job of doing their best in school.

Preparing for the 2010-2011 School Year

My husband would be horrified if he knew I even uttered "preparing for the new school year" in July. He's been out of school for quite a while now but he still goes pale when he sees those "Back to School" signs. Seriously, he almost gets sick.

In some parts of the country, there's plenty of summer left but here's something to ponder as you sit around the pool or go camping or traveling or just hanging out reading a book in a nice cool place:

What can be done to improve my child's school's climate?

(What the heck does "school climate" mean? In a nutshell, it means "is the school friendly, safe, and a nice place to go?")

Schools need parents to help. Article after article about bullying and cyber bullying discuss the responsibility of schools. Schools most definitely have to kick it up a notch when it comes to addressing peer to peer abuse. It can't be effectively done, though, if parents aren't solidly on board.

So much can be done to prevent bullying in the younger grades. It just makes sense to start early and set the expectation of how kids treat others in the classroom, schoolyard and online.

Here are some basics that EVERYONE with young kids going to school can make their responsibility:

• Teach your own children how to relate to others in a kind way.

• Tell them to be nice to the "new kid."

• Compliment them when you catch them treating others, including their siblings, well and tell them that's what leaders do.

• Conversely, if you catch them in the act of bullying others, there should be swift and consistent punishment.

• Be on the lookout for good books, DVDs and other programs that teach tolerance.

• Talk to your school PTA about making those books, DVDs, etc. available in the classroom.

• When you child starts school, don't do anything as a parent that makes other parents and kids feel left out, including handing out invitations when not everyone is included.

• Encourage your child to develop different groups of friends.

• Watch out for other children, not just your own.

• Teach them what being an "upstander" means. It's someone that sticks up for others and upstanders are heroes. For example, if they hear kids call other kids names like "stupid," "fat," "ugly," etc. they should either tell an adult or if they feel brave, tell the bullies to stop.

Bullying will always be an issue but it's making sure that the balance in a school is generally nurturing. It starts with ONE and then spreads.

Michael Angelakos of Passion Pit is an Upstander

Experts agree that the role of the "bystander" is key in blunting the affects of bullying. The Center for Social and Emotional Education thought that the role of bystander is so important that perhaps it should be renamed to reflect that action is required. So bystander became "upstander," which says so much more.

You could just be standing there minding your own business and WHAM, there's a need to step up and support someone who is being mistreated. In that moment, a decision has to be made. Do I step in to the problem or do I just let that person/child fend for themselves? Do I care enough to lend a sympathetic ear, or tell the bully to "stop," or get additional help... or do I just stand by?

During this recording with the chorus from P.S. 22, Michael Angelakos, lead singer of the award-winning band Passion Pit, proved he is an UPSTANDER. In under 30 seconds, he could have possibly changed this lucky child's life.

Do we have to be a celebrity to be an upstander? No way. In that moment and in that child's eyes, it's extremely likely that Angelakos was just a person saying the right thing at the right time.

So to every upstander out there, ROCK ON.

Bullying: "Upstanders" are the Heroes

Recently, I was at the opening remarks for the CSEE (Center for Social and Emotional Education) Summer Institute. (By the way, any organization whose whole reason for being is to help schools create the most nurturing environments possible has my respect.) They coined the word "UPSTANDER." What a fantastic term for both adults and children.

It says so much more than "bystander." It's says "I see you and I'll help." Kids may try to look tough. They may be functioning -- but sometimes you can see that scared or lost look on their face. Are they being ostracized, intimidated, physically bullied, harassed online? So often, they're afraid to say. They just want someone to see it on their face, guess there's a problem and "stand by me."

This obviously universal song says everything else needed to be said. Congratulations to all those upstanders -- moms, dads, teachers, coaches, friends, and anyone who knows what it's like to need someone to help and stepped up.

Kids with Asperger's More Likely to Be Bullied

According to keynote remarks by Kevin Jennings, director of Department of Education's Office of Safe and Drug Free Schools, at the CSEE Institute yesterday, kids with Asperger's Syndrome are six times more likely to be bullied in school. If you're a parent of a child with Asperger's, this is no surprise.

There is absolutely no reason to let this happen. Every administrator and every teacher should be trained in what to do to protect kids with disabilities. There are many programs out there. One simple step overlooked by many schools is a bullying prevention plan for lower grades so that as they progress in school it's the expectation that every child will be respected.

What about the lessons we're teaching at home? Are kids getting the message at home to be good to everyone, including and especially, kids with disabilities? Parents of children with Asperger's need support. When parents don't talk to their kids about how to treat others, we are the bystander who lets bullying happen. We are all somewhat responsible.

And if we do, what a beautiful and opposite result. We can also be responsible for providing joy in a child's life and peace for their parent.