Is There a Teacher In Your Life That Taught You How To Step Up?

If so, you have a fantastic opportunity to pay them back.  Facing History and Ourselves, an awesome organization that devotes itself to teaching kids how to be "upstanders," is offering a $5,000 grant to an educator who has inspired kids to step up.

As my Irish friends would say, "Brilliant!"

I really believe that we have to give our good teachers oxygen by telling them they are appreciated.  Schools and teachers are severely criticized but there are exceptional schools and devoted teachers that need and deserve our appreciation and respect...and the chance to win some money.

Facing History is doing something so important.  We need to recognize those who inspire our kids...and for that, Facing History, you have my admiration.

It's made me think about the educators in my life.  Thanks, Mrs. Behrens and Mr. Christian.  You showed me how to step up by your example.

Nominate someone today!  The deadline is Monday, October 22nd! 

Flash Mob of Pink Shirts and a Stand (or a Dance) Against Bullying

Had to share this today. Seriously, what a cool thing. It took major effort on the part of the kids, the teachers and probably some parents to pull this off.

These are people who care and who know what it takes to help kids get the message and feel empowered. Music is so powerful.

Obviously, Lady GaGa knows that. This week she announced her campaign, Born This Way. The thing I liked about it is that she came around to thinking that it's not about bullying prevention. It's more than that. It's about empowerment and the things you do to enrich the lives of others. I could really relate. It's the same thought process I had. Three years ago, I thought it was all about stopping the bully, and it is to some degree because the harshness of some bullying actions border on criminal, but it can't be our only focus. Now I realize it's also about reminding kids about the power they have to improve each other's lives. My focus is now on the Upstander. If you create a culture of stepping in and stepping up for one another, the long tail of pain that bullying causes, will be diminished.

This week I had the pleasure of spending time with Girl Scout Troop 5397. They were bright and happy and not shy about sharing their opinion. When I asked them questions about bullying, they had all the answers. The school has done a good job. They've heard the talks about bullying.

The real conversation came when we talked about what we do for each other. It's one thing not to bully, it's another thing to step in to help someone and to be aware that our actions on the sidelines are the things that are either going to help the most, or hurt the most.

I shared the quote with them that

"If you walk away and go get help, you are part of the solution. If you stay and watch, you are part of the problem."

Sometimes I think the focus from a young age should be less on "bullying" and more on teaching kids specific ways to step in for each other. They're all heroes in training.

Lessons from Fred, Rodney and Paul on How to Step Up: From Tragedy a Little Hope

One month ago today, 18 year-old Fred Drew died of a gunshot wound to the chest in Florida.

According to his family and friends, this crime was the result of Fred stepping up for others:

Fred Drew sacrificed his life protecting friends from bullies. Fred was always a loving and happy soul, a protector, not afraid to stand up for what was right and always there to help others in need. He was well loved by all, he was a mentor, a leader and an integral part of his community.

Fred was born on April 16, 1993. He graduated from Citrus High School, class of 2011, where he excelled in several sports, including the wrestling team, varsity football team (team captain), and weightlifting where he attained all-state status. Fred was a true champion on and off the field. He was scheduled to receive a full wrestling scholarship from Bloomsburg University. He was also being considered by the United States Navy for their Navy Seal Program. Raised in the Episcopal faith, he was a member of St. Margaret's Episcopal Church in Inverness, Florida where he served as an acolyte.

This happened only 30 days ago. His family must be reeling with grief. They deserve our love and support.

Fred's cousin and godfather, Rodney Briguglio, shared with me the pain that their entire family is experiencing. What a loss. He also told me that how in the middle of your darkest moment, what a difference simple kindnesses can make and how, sometimes, it's the most unexpected people who step up and give you hope.

Rodney decided very quickly after the tragedy to establish a charity to help the victims of bullying and their families:

Two days after Fred's death I decided to take action and start the Frederick P Drew Memorial Fund Inc. to honor his name and heroics.

I applied for the non-profit that day, within two weeks I had received all of the documents from the lawyers and was incorporated as a non-profit. Now I had the task of choosing the best bank to hold the funds. I have been doing business with Wells Fargo for years so I decided to use them. When I arrived at the bank I was greeted at the door by a customer service representative and asked how she could be of assistance, I explained my reason for being there and she escorted me to a waiting area.

Within a minute licenced personal banker Paul Schild greeted me and led me to his desk to open the account. I explained what had happened to my cousin and how I had decided to start the foundation against bullying. Paul listened closely and was sincerely moved and empathetic to my situation. He also commended me on taking action so quickly and turning our families sadness into someting positive that will benefit other families victimized by bullying.

After filling out all of the necessarily documents I handed Paul my first donation check of $25.00 to open the account. He took the check and went to the teller line to deposit the money. Upon returning to his desk he handed me the receipt and said "I personally matched the $25.00 donation so your account balance is $50.00. I was speechless. Acts of Random Kindness like this are practically unheard of these days. I was so touched that someone would give so selflessly and take a personal interest in his customer. It's nice to know that I chose the right bank and that people like Paul Schild are still out there going above and beyond.

Paul stepped up. He had no idea that Rodney would tell me that story or that he would be getting any attention at all. He just knew that Rodney and his family needed to know people are listening, caring and feeling their loss.

I've also never heard of a charity raising money to help bullied kids get the counseling they need. Stepping up for bullied kids in this way is a worthy cause and will truly be honoring an upstander. Peace to you, Fred, and to your loving family.

White House Summit on Bullying: What Can We Do?

In President Obama's opening remarks at the White House Summit on Bullying, he said, "No child should feel that alone." That just about sums up why I'm involved.

In the closing remarks after all the true but tragic stories, the overwhelming statistics and expert advice had been shared, the audience was asked to ask themselves, "What more can I do?"

In answer to that question, I want to share with you what others are doing in the field of bullying prevention and online safety and who are dedicated to providing real help...but first, I want to share a couple of things I personally took away from the conference.

This is such a huge issue but I constantly come back to three things that I think are critical in making a positive impact:

• Early Prevention

Bottom Line: If we start very young -- PreK and up -- and create the expectation of respect, we have a shot at changing the balance when they get older.

• Parenting

Bottom Line: Parents are where it's at. Kids need to be prepared at home for social interactions. Parents can acknowledge and encourage their children when they treat others well and correct them when they don't.

• Bystander (or Upstander):

Bottom Line: When you think about it, the bystander is everyone. Compassion and leadership skills can be taught and we can teach kids how to step up for others in ways that are comfortable to them. (If you ask kids, they know that their peers make the biggest difference.)

If you want to start somewhere, there are so many resources. Stopbullying.gov was announced yesterday and there are others listed to the right. Not every community, school or home is the same so tailoring campaigns or materials to fit your needs is really important. In my community, I, along with the support of the principal and the help of other interested parents, started the Be the One mentoring campaign because it suited the needs of the school and it appealed to both the adults and the age span of the children. I also wanted it to be fun which is very key to holding the kids' attention (and mine, too!) It has created an infrastructure that allows parents and teachers to introduce curriculum they come across and activities that promote friendship and respect. As a matter of fact, next Tuesday, we'll be using some of the tools from Pacer's National Bullying Prevention Center. (I'll be posting more about their fabulous work next week.)

Best Advice from the Summit: My favorite was expert Rosalind Wiseman's advice to any adult on what to say when a child comes to them about being bullied:

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Thank you for telling me. I'll stand by you.

"What more can I do?" We can all help by sharing ideas and keeping the conversation going. Let me know what you're doing and I'd be happy to share it with others.

Bullying: Demi Lovato is an UPSTANDER!

Demi Lovato hearts Kelly Clarkson, and Bill O'Reilly hearts Demi Lovato

(Click on link above and scroll to short 2nd video to see Demi's advice to kids about bullying.)

Good girl, Demi. You haven't backed down from your message. A couple of years ago when you were really young, you were public about the bullying you received. That must have been hard as a young teen to be so vocal about something that is so diminishing. But you didn't stop there and now that you're (almost) 18 -- Happy Birthday tomorrow, btw -- you're still getting the message out there. It's a brave and kind and very thoughtful way to use your celebrityhood.

Demi Lovato is an UPSTANDER!

Thanks, Demi, for encouraging adults and kids to step up and say "It's Not O.K." It's also good advice to" Tell someone"...and so for all those "someones" out there, including parents, teachers, peers, coaches, counselors, aunts, uncles, grandparents and any adult with a brain and a heart, Listen Up! Validate! Follow UP! Be Compassionate.

You may never know how much a difference you're making but know that being an upstander can change someone's life. And when you do something cool like helping someone who needs to feel ok about themselves, do something good for yourself. Pat yourself on the back, get a double latte and tell yourself you're a superhero even though no one can see your cape.

Preparing for the 2010-2011 School Year

My husband would be horrified if he knew I even uttered "preparing for the new school year" in July. He's been out of school for quite a while now but he still goes pale when he sees those "Back to School" signs. Seriously, he almost gets sick.

In some parts of the country, there's plenty of summer left but here's something to ponder as you sit around the pool or go camping or traveling or just hanging out reading a book in a nice cool place:

What can be done to improve my child's school's climate?

(What the heck does "school climate" mean? In a nutshell, it means "is the school friendly, safe, and a nice place to go?")

Schools need parents to help. Article after article about bullying and cyber bullying discuss the responsibility of schools. Schools most definitely have to kick it up a notch when it comes to addressing peer to peer abuse. It can't be effectively done, though, if parents aren't solidly on board.

So much can be done to prevent bullying in the younger grades. It just makes sense to start early and set the expectation of how kids treat others in the classroom, schoolyard and online.

Here are some basics that EVERYONE with young kids going to school can make their responsibility:

• Teach your own children how to relate to others in a kind way.

• Tell them to be nice to the "new kid."

• Compliment them when you catch them treating others, including their siblings, well and tell them that's what leaders do.

• Conversely, if you catch them in the act of bullying others, there should be swift and consistent punishment.

• Be on the lookout for good books, DVDs and other programs that teach tolerance.

• Talk to your school PTA about making those books, DVDs, etc. available in the classroom.

• When you child starts school, don't do anything as a parent that makes other parents and kids feel left out, including handing out invitations when not everyone is included.

• Encourage your child to develop different groups of friends.

• Watch out for other children, not just your own.

• Teach them what being an "upstander" means. It's someone that sticks up for others and upstanders are heroes. For example, if they hear kids call other kids names like "stupid," "fat," "ugly," etc. they should either tell an adult or if they feel brave, tell the bullies to stop.

Bullying will always be an issue but it's making sure that the balance in a school is generally nurturing. It starts with ONE and then spreads.

Bullying: "Upstanders" are the Heroes

Recently, I was at the opening remarks for the CSEE (Center for Social and Emotional Education) Summer Institute. (By the way, any organization whose whole reason for being is to help schools create the most nurturing environments possible has my respect.) They coined the word "UPSTANDER." What a fantastic term for both adults and children.

It says so much more than "bystander." It's says "I see you and I'll help." Kids may try to look tough. They may be functioning -- but sometimes you can see that scared or lost look on their face. Are they being ostracized, intimidated, physically bullied, harassed online? So often, they're afraid to say. They just want someone to see it on their face, guess there's a problem and "stand by me."

This obviously universal song says everything else needed to be said. Congratulations to all those upstanders -- moms, dads, teachers, coaches, friends, and anyone who knows what it's like to need someone to help and stepped up.