Thanks to Those Who Care about Kids and Bullying

Thanks to all those who spend their time, money, and expertise to help kids have a lighthearted and bully-free childhood.

There are so many great experts doing good work. There are also great parents paying attention to raising compassionate kids. And to parents who also volunteer in schools, you're awesome. Parents can't do it alone and schools can't do it alone. When we work together we have a shot at preventing and/or blunting the long tail of pain that bullying creates.

Is there a one-size fits all solution? Absolutely not.

I really like the list at the top right when it comes to training, research and tools. There are many others which I'll continue to share in future posts but... who -- and what -- would you recommend?

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and the readers of this blog are my favorite people. (Other than the ones I lugged around for 9 months. Oh, and of course the guy that's my friend and husband.) So thanks for your interest in pulling out one damn string at a time.

Happy Thanksgiving.

John Halligan: Telling Ryan's Story to Save Kids from Bullying

John Halligan knows all too well what the parents of Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh and Phoebe Princes are going through now. And astoundingly that's just to name a few of the children that have recently taken their own lives after being bullied off and online. John was there almost seven years ago to the day when his 13 year-old son, Ryan, took his own life for the same tragic reasons.

That type of pain is incomprehensible. It is an understatement to say that John didn't want to become a bullying prevention expert. He had a great job at IBM and three wonderful kids. The harshness of other children's behavior helped take that away from him. But instead of retreating and becoming bitter, this dedicated father has travelled to hundreds, perhaps thousands, of middle and high schools around the country telling kids, teachers and parents Ryan's story.

John is an advocate for better legislation, awareness and compassion. When asked the following question a while back, this was John's hopeful message:

After travelling the country and speaking to thousands of kids, what reaction to Ryan's story are you most amazed or surprised by?

The responses are always overwhelming. I'm always so touched by seeing eyes well up with tears as I speak and look around the auditorium. And when I pause between sentences, the silence tells me they are truly taking this in. When it is over, I'm so heart warmed by students who come up and give me a hug. And what really surprises me is to receive e-mails months and years later from students who heard Ryan's story. Most tell me that Ryan's story changed their life for the better. Many confessed they were the bully and have since apologized to their victims and changed their behavior for the better. Understanding now how truly loved they are by family and friends, many students confide in me that they gained the courage and strength to get help for a friend or for themselves for suicidal feelings. This is why I keep telling Ryan's story.

John is obviously hitting a chord with kids. The letters to John say it best and as parents, we can learn from them:

I'm really sorry for what happened in my lifetime. I'm really sorry for what happened to your son and if I ever have any children, I'll use your advice because you really did know how to take care of children and always tried your best.

In honor of Ryan and the other important lives lost, start talking, start listening, start stepping in. Don't tolerate your children being mean off or online. Don't accept it from anyone else.

Who's tomorrow's Tangled Ball Award winner?
Hint: Some people are "Waiting for Superman," but I'm waiting for this...

Lessons From Ryan's Story...Step In

At age 13, Ryan Halligan had enough of bullying and took his own life. His parents did everything they could to blunt the effects of bullying on their kind, sensitive son but he was surrounded. It happened in school and it happened online.

According to a recent study led by “Harvard University’s Berkman Center for Internet and Society, 42% of kids bullied on the Web are also harassed at school.” (Parents, June 2009).

Where do you start to tackle the issue; to make a difference? John Halligan, Ryan’s dad, started by going to middle and high schools himself and telling Ryan’s story. Eventually, he was in such demand that he had to make the choice of giving up a long career as an engineer at IBM and devoting all his time talking to as many kids, parents and administrators as possible.

His mission is personal. Bullying is personal. And bullying is a hurt that sometimes doesn’t get healed.

What John Halligan is doing is admirable. It must be painful every time he gets up to address an auditorium full of kids that remind him of his own. His presentation is addressed to bullies and victims, but maybe most importantly, to the bystander. The bystander is the key to stopping repeated mean behavior. Bullies bully because they can. John Halligan is empowering kids to step in. It’s the most powerful anti-bullying tool around.

A letter from a middle school student after one of John’s presentations:

“Dear Mr. Halligan,
I have learned from our assembly to not be a bystander. Our school gave us papers about your unfortunate situation. I instantly went on the internet to learn about Ryan’s story. After I finished reading me and my mom were in tears. My mom tells me things happen for a reason, although I don’t know what the reason is. I know that Ryan wouldn’t want you to stay sad. Your story has inspired me and hopefully it will inspire others. I hope you go around different places and teach others NOT TO BE A BULLY!!”

The Halligan family is brave and their bravery is making a difference. Now we should all step in.